HUSBAND QUICKLY DISSOLVES HIS WIFE’S OPINIONS ABOUT THE HOUSE

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have three adult children, and they all still live at home. I always thought once they graduated college and got a good job they should start paying rent. My husband said he would never do that to his kids because he had to pay rent while living at home.

Our oldest, “Samantha”, is now 31 years old. He has a well-paying job and drives an expensive car. She does almost nothing around the house but buys her own food and toiletries.

The other two help a lot around the house, often without being asked. Sometimes Samantha does something, but I have to ask multiple times and it usually takes weeks to get it done. He can’t afford to move because of his huge student loan debt. Besides, why would he move when he can live rent-free and come and go as he pleases? Even his dog lives here for free.

My husband and I have had many discussions about this issue at my prompting and it is causing us to argue and me feeling resentful towards him. I couldn’t implement anything without his support because apparently my opinion doesn’t matter, so I stay angry and wonder why I’m here. How can I keep him from realizing how wrong he is and eventually turning on our daughter? — DISAPPOINTMENT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FEELINGS: Conflicts over child-rearing have destroyed marriages. Children should never be allowed to come between their parents, which seems to be the case in your case as well. It sucks when your husband makes you feel like your opinion doesn’t matter. Does this disrespect carry over to aspects of your relationship other than this disagreement? Your daughter, who is 31 (!) and gainfully employed, should have started taking responsibility for herself years ago. Discuss this with a licensed mental health professional; so you can learn to be more assertive.

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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at: www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.