Dear Eric: I was troubled by your advice to a Depressed About Disordered woman who felt that her husband’s idea of ​​a clean house was not up to her standards.

Your advice included: “Also, if you are bringing money to pay for (the cleaning service), your husband should have no veto power.”

What? I have been married for over 50 years, and during that time my wife worked while I stayed home and raised our four children. We always felt that his salary was “our money” and we both made the decisions. Under no circumstances does the wage earner have the right to reject the ideas or concerns of his stay-at-home partner.

—Equal Pay

Dear Equal Pay: What a mess I’ve made here. Plain and simple: I chose the wrong words. I certainly don’t think a person’s salary gives them more say in a marriage or relationship. What I was trying to say – rather unsuccessfully – was that sometimes you buy yourself things to make yourself happy. But a relationship is about communication, not receipts. So this couple needs to feel comfortable about what their money is being spent on. I didn’t mean to smear anyone for what they brought home, and I apologize for not communicating so clearly.

Dear Eric: My daughter goes to Catholic school, and her best friend, who is also Catholic, goes to public school. This is the second year in a row that her friend has had a big birthday experience/celebration on a day when the public school is closed but the parochial school is not. My daughter is heartbroken and angry at me for missing this event, and all the fun photos online are a reminder that she was left out. I have a feeling this will become an annual event and my daughter will continue to be left out. Should I talk to the mother and ask her to plan future parties on days when my child, her daughter’s best friend, can attend?

—Party Pooper

Dear Party Pooper: Contacting the other mom is a good first step. Your daughter may not be aware that she doesn’t have the day off for her birthday experience, so talking about it can prevent some hurt for both parties.

Depending on what else is on the other family’s schedule, continuing to throw the party on the public school day off may be the best option for them and any other children invited. Therefore, if he/she resists changing party, try not to take it personally. It may be easier said than done. If so, consider letting your daughter miss a day of school next year. Knowing about the event in advance can help you communicate with its instructors so you are not excluded educationally or socially.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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