Dear Eric: One of my son’s former classmates is still in contact with me. He and my son have not been in contact for over 10 years but he continues to call me and invite me to both his daughters’ birthday parties.

I’m not sure why you want to stay in touch. Both she and my son have married other people, and I was hoping she would make new friends. I don’t really want to encourage him and I don’t think he has many friends. Even though I don’t go out of my way to attend events, I don’t think he has any idea that I’m not interested in staying in touch.

I don’t want to hurt his feelings and I hope he moves on soon. Any advice?

– Old Friend

Dear friend: I’m very curious about the beginning of this friendship. Have you ever gotten close or does he start reaching out to you and taking advantage of your kindness? Why is he calling his old classmate’s parent in the first place?

If he has no idea that you don’t want to stay in touch, unfortunately you need to give him an idea. You can gently redefine your relationship, but no matter how gently you do it, her feelings may still be hurt. However, if this is too much for you, you should follow it. There’s nothing rude about making it clear what you can and can’t do.

Something short and to the point will work: “Thank you for the invitation, but I won’t be able to come to parties in the future.” Or more directly, “It’s been a long time since high school. Let’s go our separate ways. I wish you all the best.”