DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 1.80 tall and 62 year old man. Throughout my life, I have found myself doubled over when greeting women with whom it is appropriate to hug. My aunts, cousins, sisters, and many others may raise their arms and start hugging.

When women (of all ages) hug me, they always want to put their arm over mine; his arms are mainly around my neck during the hug. Picture me bent over and hugging my 4′11″ tall mother-in-law.

I wonder if this is just hugging etiquette? Would I be violating if I kept my arms above theirs and allowed myself to lean in less? Is this a rule or tradition?

kind reader: This is not a rule, and Miss Manners permits you to submit only as long as it conforms to your principles and beliefs.