Dear Abby: My 27-year-old daughter, “Virginia,” lives on the East Coast with her boyfriend, “Ray,” and teaches kindergarten. She admitted to catching him cheating last month. He saw the messages on his phone. When Ray confronted him, he quickly confessed and was profusely apologetic, but he also kept the woman’s number in his phone.

Ray will be moving to another state soon and his employment will end in about three weeks. Virginia is seriously considering going with him and has also talked about marriage. His mother and I divorced due to his mother’s infidelity, but we agree that we would advise him not to stay with her. Despite taking responsibility, cheating is devastating in any serious relationship.

I’ve been back and forth with Virginia via email, but sometimes she stops communicating. I wasn’t being harsh, but I did ask why Ray kept the other woman’s number unless he wanted to stay in touch.

Can you think of anything else a worried father could do to help this situation? Frankly, Virginia can ignore parental advice and do whatever she wants. I also wonder what I can say to Ray the next time I see him. I neither want to give him permission nor do I want to condemn him as a monster.

— Strong Dad in California

Dear Dad: If possible, talk to your daughter face to face. Tell him that as an adult he can do whatever he wants, but as a caring parent you cannot remain silent. Remind her that Ray KEPT THE OTHER WOMAN’S NUMBER, which means he intends to contact her at some point. Explain to you that this means your daughter is less committed than she should be.

As for what to say to Virginia’s boyfriend, tell him that you disgust his selfishness and dishonesty and that he doesn’t deserve your daughter. If you have other thoughts on the subject that you would like to share, feel free to post them.