DEAR ERIC: My husband and I have been married for over 50 years and recently retired. I was looking forward to free time to do most of the things we talked about doing together. We have always been friends and spouses.

But it seemed like my husband immediately made a to-do list and started doing things he liked or thought he would like. This includes extreme sports that require a lot of training time and lessons. Then there are trips to practice the sport.

White water rafting is an example of this. We live in the desert and I cannot participate in these activities because I do not know how to swim. I’m glad he’s happy, but I think he’s being a little selfish. I also feel a bit left out.

I voiced my concern but he just thinks I’m being stupid and doesn’t understand why I feel left out. Is this normal?

– Left at Home

LOVER STAYED AT HOME: You’re not being stupid. Your husband put on a life jacket and set off into the desert, like in the Road Runner cartoon. No wonder you feel left out.

Let’s chalk it up to less-than-ideal time management and enthusiasm for this new phase of life. It’s great to discover new hobbies, but without a list of common plans your emotional hive will feel empty.

Tell him that you’re not jealous of extreme sports, but you also want to check out some of the things you can do together. When did you make a list? Take it out and see what still excites you both. Or make a new list. Then take out the calendars and start making a plan.

We communicate what is valuable to us by how we spend our time. The time you share together is probably valuable to him as well, but it will need some defending. It may seem like there’s plenty of time right now, but calendars are filling up fast.

Also, take some time and make your own list. What are some things you might discover on your own or with friends as you paddle down that stream? Your time is also valuable.

(Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at: [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at: rericthomas.com.)

©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.