This review is by Oliver Egger. He spent 11 summers at Camp Lanakila, six as a camper and five as a counselor.

When my parents told 9-year-old me that I was being sent to Lanakila, a summer camp in Fairlee, Vermont, for seven weeks, I thought I was being punished. What did I do wrong? However, after they said that this was a camp consisting only of men, panic began. I dreamed of military drills and push-ups in the rain.

I came that first day holding on to my mother like she was a life raft. “You must be Oliver!” said a booming voice. “I am your advisor this summer.” I lifted my head towards the sound and craned my neck to reach the face of this giant man, covered with wavy black hair and a meter-long beard. It was scarier than my worst nightmares. Oh no. I turned to my mother and begged her to take me home.

But it didn’t take long for my advisor Jacob to subvert my expectations. He was kind, thoughtful, and truly himself. He was an expert in Viking runes and spoke about them with unconscious passion. He was absurdly powerful; It was a gift that he used as a walking treehouse and could carry a dozen 9-year-olds at once. He was an explorer and knew all the flora and fauna of Vermont.

Jacob’s swamp explorations stand out in my mind the most. He would lead a group of children into the dark, fly-infested swamp next to Lake Morey. “We will conquer this swamp!” Jacob shouted, channeling the Vikings he reminded me of. So we followed through the tails.

We would emerge from our adventures covered in mud and counting the leeches we had peeled off our bodies. The child with the most leeches will receive Jacob’s hand-carved staff. The winner of that time – 16 leeches – received our applause.

At the time I couldn’t say why I loved such experiences so much, but looking back I think I know now: It was a model of masculinity that was completely new to me, one that showed me you could be a leech. – The bear of a mud-covered man who does not compromise his sensitivity and curiosity.

Since then, I have spent 11 summers in Lanakila, and what drew me back was to become what Jacob was to me: living proof of the simple but powerful truth that, as we often say at camp, there are many ways to be a man.

It is not possible to describe the situation of young men in America today in glowing terms. These far behind women In terms of educational attainment in grades K-12 and four-year college enrollment and graduation. In addition, men are lonelier than ever and by 2022 we are dying by suicide 3.85 times more than women.

While these data reveal inequalities, they are rarely discussed, leaving many men resentful of mainstream culture. But former president and now President-elect Donald Trump has not hesitated to capitalize on men’s grievances for his political gain. Whether by greeting authoritative leaders or courting them “manosphere” influencersTrump offered young men his own shamelessness as an antidote to their resentment. And that’s why men love her—as the huge gender gap in election results shows.

According to the book “Of Boys and Men” by Richard Reeves Many of young men’s struggles can be attributed to a rapidly changing culture that is eroding their understanding of what it means to be a “good man.” Decrease in male role models, decrease in the number of male teachers in the classroom and erosion male gapsIt means young men are not getting the guidance they need.

Lanakila’s loving single-gender space became a safe incubator for me to unravel the fundamental question of what kind of man I wanted to be, offering mentors who uniquely exemplified what masculinity could mean. While Jacob looms large in my mind, there were dozens of others, each exemplifying the assurance of his own brand of masculinity: Angus, the mandolin player; Nick is chopping wood; Jordan pictures and many more.

It is often feared that male-dominated environments are incubators for the worst instincts in men. And I understand your reasons, considering them sexist history. But summer camps like Lanakila, sports teams or boys’ groups in schoolsIt can be a bulwark against young men slipping further into loneliness, resentment and extremism.

If we fail to offer them these spaces and the role models they can produce, young men will inevitably seek them out themselves and find sad excuses in Trump or the misogynistic influencers who once again elevated him to the presidency. What draws children there is not an original sin but the need for guidance in an ever-changing world. So who can blame them?

I saw Jacob again a few weeks ago at the funeral of Lanakila’s long-time beloved director, Barnes Boffey. He gave me his signature bear hug and told me he was proud of the man I would become. Then I thought about what Barnes often said: “To be a man, you have to see a man.” I was lucky to have Jacob as one of many such men for me.