My mother has two children, my sister and I, we have both been married for 10 years. My sister, her husband and children live with my mother, while I live separately with my husband, although I visit my mother every weekend.

Our family back home is not wealthy, but we have a stable life with the necessary land for farming and animal husbandry. Since my family saved several hundred million dong (100 million VND equals 3,956 US dollars) and was able to sell the land they cultivated for several billion dong, we are not in poverty.

My mother and father started with very little, and although my mother was always in poor health, she managed the household while my father took on all farming and income responsibilities. Over the years, my father became extremely frugal, almost stingy; He preferred to save rather than spend on anything. Since my mother did not work, she was financially dependent on my father. When I was little, I saw my parents arguing frequently and even fighting over money.

The only thing my father was willing to invest in was my sister’s and my education; This allowed us both to attend prestigious universities. After graduation, we both found stable jobs with reasonable incomes. My sister earns less than I do, and although her husband is a hard worker, he lost his job and got into debt. He is currently focused on paying off his debts and has no savings to support his family.

Five years ago, my sister and I pooled our savings and borrowed money to renovate our parents’ house to make it more comfortable. However, my mother constantly complains that our house is not like our relatives’ houses and lacks beauty and luxury.

My sister, who works a modest office job and has two school-aged children, doesn’t have much to spare. Recently, my father had to borrow 100 million VND to cover the money he lost after being deceived by his friends and using his house as collateral. My mother often blames my sister for her financial difficulties and compares her unfavorably with other relatives. After family gatherings, my mother often returns home embarrassed, scolding, or even telling my sister to leave.

I have advised my sister to move many times, but she is worried that our mother is fragile. My mother refuses to cook at home and spends most of her time lying in bed on her phone. My sister is afraid that if she leaves, no one will take care of our mother’s cooking and her health may deteriorate again over time. He had been hospitalized for long periods of time due to similar problems in the past.

As for my wife and I, our jobs require us to work shifts day and night. Our two children are still very young, and since first grade they have had to stay home alone while we both work. My mother never offered to help. Even when one of my children was sick and I couldn’t take time off from work, he stayed only a day before saying he wanted to go, claiming that seeing my wife’s face spoiled her appetite.

I’m not trying to defend my husband, but he is a quiet person and on the positive side, he is very generous with money. He was never stingy with my family, despite our own debts. Ready to buy a new motorcycle or an expensive phone as a gift for my parents. While my parents’ house was being renovated, we gave our savings to my mother, but it was not enough. My husband asked his company to loan him his salary early to help my family finish the renovation without needing more loans.

I visit my family every weekend, bring food and give my mother some money for personal expenses. But when my husband got sick and was hospitalized, and his company cut his year-end bonus, limiting what we could give my family, my mother started swearing. during a Tet Lunar New Year family dinner, o He scolded us so intensely that My father left the table before he could even finish his meal.

My husband and I recently purchased a new home with a 15-year mortgage. My mother, who learned this, wants to move in with us, saying that there are too many mosquitoes in her current house and that she cannot stand my father’s behavior. Meanwhile, at home, she constantly scolds my father, my sister and their children. My brother-in-law has wanted to move many times, but my sister refuses. Due to my mother’s temperament, my father spends most of his time in a small shelter outside, only coming home to eat.

I don’t know how to reject my mother because whenever she stays with us she makes sarcastic comments about my husband, making fun of him for not having a leadership position despite working for years. He also criticizes his family for not being as rich as some of my relatives. When I try to defend him he sulks and refuses to eat.

On top of that, he spends all day on his phone, orders it online, sends it to my address, and waits for me to pick it up and pay for it. Whenever my mother gets angry at my father, my sister, or me, she calls her relatives and complains about us, which leads to calls from my uncles to scold us.

I should also point out that my mother was always very economical about every penny she spent on my sister and me. Before starting university in 2010, I received two scholarships totaling VND 20 million, and my mother insisted that I transfer all of these scholarships. When I went to university in Ho Chi Minh City, he only gave me 1 million VND.

Knowing my family’s financial difficulties, I only asked for 300,000 VND a month, but my mother refused and told me to drop out of university. My father encouraged me to continue by taking on extra work to send me money every month, and my sister contributed an additional VND500,000.

Although my mother is stingy with us, she is ready to lend money to her friends. Recently, he said he wanted to visit Ho Chi Minh City for a medical examination and asked me for 10 million VND. I didn’t have that much money, so I gave him 8 million VND. I learned about it later I didn’t have a check-up but she lent all this money to a friend, who later disappeared along with her gold jewelry.

When I confronted him he accused me of being arrogant because of some money and said that I only cared about throwing money at him instead of taking care of his health. Meanwhile, at home, my sister and her husband take care of all the work. After breakfast, my mother spends her time on her phone, visiting friends, or going to the temple. He can travel about 1000 kilometers with a help group, but he blames my sister and I for not taking him for a medical examination and claims that’s why he didn’t go.

My husband has no objection to my mother moving in with us, but I know not comfortable deep down with him. My mother said that if we didn’t let him live with us, my father would have to give him half of the family’s farmland, which he planned to sell and move elsewhere. He had already brought someone in to look at the land and discuss prices.

I don’t know what to do because I know my mom doesn’t take care of herself and gets sick often. If I sell the land and let him keep the money, he’ll probably run out of money in a few years and come back to us. If she moves into our house, there will be a tense environment and my children are against it because their grandmother often scolds them.

What should I do?