DEAR ABBY: My primary school teacher passed away recently. I hadn’t seen him in over 20 years because of the way he made me feel. I remember him as manipulative and having a negative attitude towards those less fortunate. Because I did not come from a rich and well-known family, I was subjected to humiliation, fear and intimidation. I remember him as money-oriented, judgmental, and supportive of the privileged, whom he believed were smarter.

As I have dyslexia, I had difficulty reading and interpreting words, so it left me standing for hours and facing embarrassment. Now that he is dead, I realize that I never had the chance to tell him how wrong he was, and that my negative attitude towards education in middle school changed for the better because I had excellent teachers and wonderful classmates.

Those praising him now are the same people he encouraged and favored. I wish I could say my part because so many of them were treated badly. — Wounded in Texas

DEAR SCARRED: I think you expressed your feelings very well. This teacher may not have realized that she had a student with a learning disability and punished you when she should have realized that extra help was what you needed to succeed. Consider not being able to deal with this problem properly he Have a learning disability and try to forgive it. You turned out great despite him and now it’s time to get him out of your mind.

DEAR ABBY: Is there any way I can help my 55-year-old daughter, who has just begun a relationship that is undoubtedly doomed to disaster? She quickly begins living with these men, usually in less than two months. Then my daughter reinvents herself to protest his ideal. Each time relationships end, it costs her a lot and negatively affects her now-adult children.

Despite all this, my daughter continued to work, but four years is a long time in one position. I fear the latest move will limit her employment options once the work-from-home trend softens. Is this like dealing with a drug addict or alcoholic who needs to realize on his own to seek help? This roller coaster took its toll on me too. — MOTHER IS ON THE SIDE

DEAR MOTHER: You can talk until you’re blue in the face to get your middle-aged daughter to realize that what she’s doing isn’t working for her—and I’m assuming you’ve tried more than once. He’s not an “addict” but he’s desperate to find a partner.

When your daughter finally realizes that she doesn’t need to make herself look like a bagel to please a man, and that she’s fine just the way she is, that she’s a successful parent, self-sufficient, and valuable on her own, she’s not only better about herself, but also has better luck finding a partner.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at: or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.