DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with a couple for 30 years. They are both alcoholics. They work, they work at farmers markets, they’re social, they have a home and they pay their bills. But at least once a month, maybe twice, they go completely down the drain and my wife calls me and talks incoherently. I suspect they get drunk even more often, but thankfully I don’t get a phone call every time they binge drink.

I was in terrible relationships where I drank too much to numb myself. Thank God, I have been free of such poisoning for years. But I’m finding it increasingly difficult to cope with these drunken phone calls. I suspect I’m the only person my friend calls, because she knows very few people will understand her chatty chatter. I’m tired of these calls. How do I deflect them?

— TIRED EAR IN ARIZONA

DEAR TIRED EAR: Stop these calls by being honest with your friend about their influence on you. Do this while he’s sober. Tell him you don’t want him to call you after he’s been drinking because his speech is so slurred you can’t understand what he’s saying. Tell him that if it happens again, you will hang up the phone, and if it happens, you will continue. Let your calls go to voicemail. If you want to pursue any kind of relationship with this couple, only see them socially when they are (reasonably) sober.

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DEAR ABBY: When I was young, my immigrant grandparents would bring everyone in our family hand-knitted sweaters from their home country of Ireland. Even though I’m grown up now, I care about him and care about him.

Years later, a close friend asked to borrow the sweater for her neighbor’s child, who needed “something Irish” for a show-and-tell event at school. Children were asked to bring items related to Ireland. When I refused to lend my heirloom sweater, my friend told me that she had promised her neighbor she could borrow it. He got very angry, accused me of being selfish, and hasn’t spoken to me for several months.

We live in the same city, so I run into him sometimes. He’s friendly but distant, and it’s clear he’s still angry at me. Note that I don’t really know my friend’s neighbor who wanted to borrow my sweater for her child. But even if I did, I wouldn’t lend this heirloom to anyone. Was I wrong?

— EMOTIONAL IN MICHIGAN

Dear SENTIMENTAL: You were neither selfish nor wrong! “Your friend” has crossed the line. He should not have promised anyone the use of property that did not belong to him. And it’s so frustrating that because you refused to give it to him, he now freezes you and risks damaging something so precious to you. My advice is to follow his example. Be friendly but distant, and don’t let him make you the bad guy for saying no.