I’ve been criticized all my life. Often these center around being ‘too quiet’, ‘boring’, ‘serious’, ‘grumpy’, ‘sleepy’, ‘just woke up’ and ‘angry’. I’m quite an introvert and it may seem like I’m sleepy and cranky most of the time.

Of course, being criticized does not make me unique or special. That doesn’t mean it reflects who I am or how I feel, or that I don’t see people praising me for my confidence. But I hold on to the comments that bother me the most. These are the ones that have turned into a complex for me, like a gnarled frog clinging to my back.

Research published by the Journal of Advances in Experimental Social Psychology It shows that people tend to “hook” on negative comments more easily than positive ones due to a phenomenon called “negativity bias,” in which our brains are naturally wired to register and dwell on negative stimuli more intensely than positive stimuli, causing us to remember insults. or criticisms are more vivid than compliments. This can leave you stuck with negative feedback, even if positive experiences outweigh it.

The complex is self-fulfilling. If I’m worried about how ‘boring’ others think I am, I get tighter, act defensive, and hey, yeah, I’m no fun to be around. An ideal world for me would be a world where everyone constantly tells me how awesome, cool, and fun I am and avoids any negative judgment. I guess the same goes for you, right? This will not happen.

Now, with this, we have two options in life:

1. We can live life safely, avoid the criticism of others and hide in dark loneliness.

Opportunities for self-expansion and personal and professional achievement are extremely limited here.

2. We can live insecurely.

If I am to experience a life full of depth and opportunity; full personal potentialI can take a breath, flinch briefly in the face of uncertainty, step up, breathe in the fear, and dare to be unloved, judged, rejected, and even publicly laughed at.

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This is the option for all of us. We all have insecurities. We all have wounds and vulnerabilities. Things we cannot bear to reveal and be ‘learned’ about.

But if we want to experience not only tremendous growth, friendships, and wealth, but also a life without regrets, we must do what all greats do, which is #2: step into the insecure void.

At some point, everyone who goes above and beyond what the world expects of them (i.e., the average Joe) has made the decision, consciously or unconsciously, to lead to harassment. They said, ‘Never mind.’ ‘It’s time. I’m done with average. Bring it on.’

They have accepted the fact that they need to improve themselves in order to improve themselves and be recognized for their skills, ideas and talents. confront possibility of criticism somehow

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Can you think of an example where you didn’t want to do something that scared you, but you did it anyway and reaped a tremendous benefit, even if the ‘only’ benefit was increased self-confidence?

Andrea Piacquadio | pexels

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I’m sure it is. Whether you are an ‘extrovert’ or an ‘introvert’, a ‘creator’ or a ‘salesman’, by taking risks, especially social risks, you will open yourself up to two guarantees:

1. Potential for rejection.
2. Potential for big profits.

You can’t have the second without the first. Many of us, like me, will choose to reduce our exposure to potential rejection as much as we can. We will stay at home and take the easy way out. We will remain silent in the elevator. We will not raise our hands when our heart beats in our chest.

Most of our fears will not come true anyway. It’s funny how rarely they do this. But you have to be willing to go out there and be disliked in exchange for ‘exposure’. And I mean, look ignorant, face the truth potential to appear ignorant. You should get along well with both.

Exposure creates opportunity and brings tangible results faster. Exposure builds trust. Exposure and vulnerability will probably, ironically, attract many people to you as well.

The research thoroughly explores the potential for rejection; highlights how social rejection can trigger a range of negative emotions such as sadness, anger and anxiety, affecting self-esteem, cognitive function and even physical health; A critical concept is “rejection sensitivity.” where individuals are particularly attuned to potential cues of exclusion.

According to a study by the Journal of Experimental Social PsychologyThis sensitivity is often linked to past experiences of rejection in childhood or adolescence. Share your art. Walk towards new people. Ask for help. Publish this blog post. Sell ​​your services at high prices. Get on stage.

Tima Miroshnichenko | pexels

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Lean into the exposure and do it as best you can. Exposure is a risk. But no one who did not take risks lived a rich life.

You have to. As I should. Because to deny this is to deny the evolution of your best self.

And it’s not about trying to be liked. It’s about sharing your truth and value, feeling the rush of doing it in front of other people, and accepting the tendency of a small group of people who won’t always like what you do (100% guaranteed, mostly because they reject it themselves). Think for a moment about what kind of person you could be.

who is the best version of yourself? Where can they go? Do you think there is someone inside you who can inspire people deeply? I think there is. That person is there and just needs to be guided, nurtured and nourished.

What kind of exposure does your best self need? Where does your best self need to go to be the best you can be? Do you feel like you have to put up with some hard no’s to reach your full potential?

How about personal, even harsh criticism? What experiences does a stronger, more resilient version of you have to go through to reach this level of power? At home or on the battlefield?

What does your full potential require from you today? You probably know what this is. And you’re probably resisting it. Like most people.

Lubomir Satko | pexels

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Learning what these risky, scary things are for you and doing them is something you may never feel ready for. You’ll never be perfect at this, but you can make it easier by starting small.

You can greatly reduce the fear of criticism and rejection by adopting and developing this philosophy: Don’t take anything personally. Others will judge you until the end of time. What they do and say is always an opinion. Nobody knows who you are or what you’re capable of.

View reviews with curiosity instead of reacting to it. Don’t give in to the temptation to believe the opinions others have about you. When you can truly internalize this, you become immune to the most common fear.

Findings 2019 research It shows that people often have difficulty accepting criticism effectively due to a natural defensive response and perceive it as a threat to their self-esteem and social status.

Research highlights the importance of considering the source and delivery method of criticism and developing strategies to actively listen, process feedback constructively, and respond appropriately, especially when faced with negative feedback that may be perceived as a personal attack.

You can ask whatever you want. And if they laugh at you, it’s their fault. They didn’t take the risk. You did it. You have the chance to become a stronger person. A person the world needs.

You to be Make speeches and ignore nasty criticism. You to be Ask for a high fee and be told to forget about it. You to be Meet your mentor even if your knees are shaking. You to be Go to that networking event when every cell in your body is screaming NO.

Connecting to the void and dealing with the potential for rejectionSomething incredible happens: You can start to predict your success. Enter the numbers, build endurance and the world is yours.

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Alex Mathers is an author and coach who helps you build a personal brand that makes money with your knowledge and skills while remaining mentally tough.