DEAR ABBY: I have been married to “Ellis,” a wonderful man, for a year and a half. This is the second marriage for each of us. My older children are on their own. Ellis has three boys (ages 15, 21 and 23) living with us. The oldest has autism. My husband and his ex-wife “Mia” share joint custody, but our home is our primary home.
Mia is supposed to deliver the children two days a week and every two weeks. We bring the kids to our home after school because he works and by law both parents have to pay equally if there is child care. Mia takes full advantage of our kindness and usually doesn’t pick up the kids at night until 9pm. Sometimes it doesn’t show up at all, which confuses us all.
Ellis refuses to talk about this with Mia because it ends in an argument and Mia says she can’t make him do anything. He also won’t go back to court and hold her responsible because of the cost and because he doesn’t want the boys to see him take their mother to court.
This situation is exhausting and Ellis gets angry when I tell him he needs to confront Mia or leave the kids to work on Mia’s days. I’m exhausted and this puts a huge strain on our marriage. If this continues, I’m not sure he’ll survive. Please tell me what to do. — STRESSED STEPMOTHER