Dear Annie: I lost my husband 10 years ago. He was a wonderful man and we had a good marriage for over 30 years.

It took me a while to date (seven years) and when I did I met a guy who was seven years older than me and twice divorced, but I was very attracted to him and he liked me too. We spent six months together and then I left for the winter, but we flew back and forth and got back together and it was like no time had passed.

He later learned that he had multiple myeloma. His sister called and told him because I was traveling and he was in the hospital.
He had stem cell treatment and was very sick. At one point he asked me to take him for a walk and said he was ready to die. I was there to clean his house and plant his garden. They had rental properties and when it came time to renovate they were very sick so I painted and cleaned them.

I took care of him and was his ONLY permanent assistant the entire time. I rearranged his medications and looked for alternatives (I found this and he is doing much better now).
We don’t live together, but we spend a lot of time together. Three years later I got a call from him last week and he said it was over. He is 73 years old and said he needs to find himself and what he wants.

I was so stunned that I couldn’t speak. In the end, all I could say was that I was there during his illness and his darkest hours and he didn’t say anything. I told her, I am a good woman and you will never find a woman like me. I was in love with this man and I put my love into action by taking care of him. He said he loved me as a person but wasn’t in love with me. Three years later, I must say I’m asking myself if this man really has a heart. He attends boys’ Bible study and sometimes goes to church.
I have a hard time understanding how someone could decide to treat another human being standing next to them this way. Could this person really have a heart and soul? — In shock

Dear Shocked: The fact that you gave yourself to this man without receiving anything in return shows how selfless and caring you are.
Unfortunately, we cannot control how other people react to changes in their lives. People facing serious illnesses often change their perspective, and it is possible that the person is engaged in an internal battle that they do not communicate. And remember, the fact that he’s been divorced twice means he can’t sustain a long-term relationship. This is him, not you.
Even if this relationship doesn’t go the way you hoped, that doesn’t diminish the strength and loyalty you show. You deserve to be with someone who values ​​that.

Send questions to Annie Lane at: [email protected].

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