Tauranga District Court.
Photograph: SunLive

Warning: This story contains details of sexual assault and may be upsetting.

“Living in a world where you are afraid to close your eyes at night, relax and go to sleep is not a pleasant world to live in.”

This is what a woman said to a 45-year-old man who sexually assaulted her while she was sleeping at a colleague’s home after a work-related incident.

Although Judge Bill Lawson refused to have his name permanently suppressed when the man was sentenced in the Tauranga District Court on Friday, he still cannot be named after indicating he planned to appeal.

A jury convicted the woman earlier this year after she went to bed extremely drunk at a colleague’s house but woke up to find he had sexually assaulted her.

He called her attack “one of the most extreme violations a person can endure.”

The physical and emotional consequences of the attack were severe; In the days following the attack, she could not sit comfortably and was in pain while driving to the police station and attending medical examinations.

She suffered bruising and still had scars from his “nails digging into her.”

“These things constantly remind me of what happened and haunt me every time I look in the mirror.”

It also affected her husband and young children.

“This robs our children of precious time they spend with their mothers,” she said.

“Where once I was so busy with their schoolwork and activities, I now rarely get to pick them up and drop them off at school.”

They had lost “the carefree, happy mother they once knew” as she sometimes had trouble getting out of bed and constantly feared for their safety.

“They wake me up at night with fear and need for reassurance, only to find a mother who is afraid to wake up.”

This affected her relationship with her husband because “the joy of their connection was overshadowed by the painful memories of being raped”.

“I know this affected him greatly. It’s not easy to live knowing that another man raped your wife in such a disgusting way.”

The woman said the hearing had re-traumatized her but she wanted to make sure he didn’t do anything like that again.

He asked Judge Lawson for “justice.”

“Not just for me, but also for my family whose lives have been irrevocably changed,” he said.

“I also ask that you make sure (the man) gets the help he needs to never do this again.”

Speaking to NZME after the sentencing, she said she hoped other women would be encouraged to speak out if they had been sexually assaulted.

“I hope this gives hope to other people and helps someone else get back on their feet,” he said.

Although he thought it would be easier to avoid court proceedings, it was the right thing to do to ensure there were no more victims.

Her advice to survivors of sexual violence was to “stay strong.”

“Get support, get counselling, reach out to Tautoko Mai (sexual harm support)… be kind to yourself and do what is right for yourself and other people.”

He felt relieved that the court process was over and that he could now “start getting his life back on track.”

‘Get off me’

The man was found guilty by a jury on a charge of sexual assault by unlawful sexual intercourse.

During the hearing the court heard a working event was being held at Tauranga Races.

On a typical summer evening, after the races, a group of co-workers, friends, and neighbors headed to a house to enjoy drinks and food outdoors around a fire.

The victim, who had a workplace connection and was friends with the landlord, said he had a good time and met up with old friends and new people he met.

Her husband left the meeting early, but she stayed.

The meeting continued with more drinking and revelry, and few people stayed home after midnight.

The woman said she was so drunk that she had trouble remembering most of the night.

She slept in one of the empty rooms, but woke up in the early hours of the morning when the man “forcibly” raped her.

In the video evidence he submitted to the police, he said that when he realized what was happening, he kept thinking, “Say something, say something,” and then using his harshest voice, he said, “Get off me.”

She could hear him panting and breathing heavily as he raped her, but he stopped and “ran away” after she told him to leave.

When he woke up the next morning, feeling in pain, he went to the bathroom and thought: “What the fuck, did this really happen?”

Defense lawyer Craig Tuck said the incident was “completely fictional” and that the woman had made it up.

The defense argument was not that this happened and that he consented; On the contrary, his opinion was that it never happened.

Tuck said his evidence could not be relied upon because the “almost incredible” amount of alcohol he consumed had affected his memory. He also noted the lack of DNA present after the physical examination.

The jury unanimously returned a guilty verdict after deliberating for nearly eight hours.

‘He had the right to feel safe’

While giving the sentence, the judge referred to the man’s letter of regret.

“This makes it clear that you accept that you harassed the victim in this way and caused her physical and emotional trauma.”

The judge said those close to him described him as “a kind, generous person who was willing to help others.”

But he also had some challenges in his upbringing, including ADHD, difficulties with school, head trauma in his youth, and substance abuse. The judge accepted a psychotherapist’s report which suggested that some of these factors may have had a causal link to his offending.

Judge Lawson said the woman was in an environment where she had the right to feel safe.

“You were both taken to separate rooms and he had every right to expect that he would remain in that room without any interference or contact from you,” he said.

“You took advantage of her vulnerability. You severely penetrated her… while she was asleep or unconscious. You held her in place to allow this to happen.”

The judge set a prison sentence of seven years and four months as a starting point. He gave the man a 5 percent discount out of regret.

“Your expression of remorse shows that you have thought this through… You have accepted that your behavior had a significant impact on the victim,” Judge Lawson said.

“We often see in cases like this that the victims are left in doubt because the defendants maintain their innocence and do not accept the verdict. Here you have admitted what you did.”

The man also offered emotional harm reimbursement of $2,500. The judge said that although this could not compensate for the financial loss suffered by the woman and her family, it was a manifestation of the remorse expressed.

The man was also given a 10 percent discount due to background factors.

He was sentenced to six years and three months in prison and ordered to pay $2,500 for emotional harm.

*This story was first published New Zealand Herald.

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