Dear Abby: When I was 22, I dated a co-worker but broke up with her because I couldn’t handle the fact that she was a few inches shorter than me. I didn’t tell him why. I just said, “It’s me, not you.”

I’m in my 60s now, I’ve had a very successful career, I’ve never been married, and I see online that he’s an outstanding researcher. In his online photo he now looks like a sweet old man and I would give anything to reconnect with him. Would that be stupid?

Was I too insensitive at 22 to realize that I could hurt her? Do you think he’ll forgive me if I contact him now? He lives far away, so a face-to-face meeting is out of the question in the near future. Would an email be appropriate? He is in his early 70s and unmarried.

—Fool Then in Ohio

Dear ‘Idiot’: You were not insensitive when you were 22; you fit in Look at it from this guy’s point of view. What should he think when he receives an email saying “It’s me, not you” 40 years after a colleague dumped him? Remember, no matter how successful he is now, he is not taller anymore. My advice is to leave it alone, find someone who is physically attracted to you, lives closer geographically, appreciates how successful you are in your career, and is open to a relationship.

Dear Abby: I am a 70-year-old childless man. Every year, on the anniversary of my brother’s death, some relatives come together and go to his hometown to celebrate him. We commemorate at the cemetery on Sunday and go to services together. We also go out to eat and drink. There are currently three generations; The youngest of the children is 10 years old.

This year my cousin’s son and his wife had a baby. We are all happy for them. A few days ago, I sent a group message to our family thread saying that I didn’t think it was a good idea to bring a baby on this trip. I explained that I felt this would distract from the purpose of the meeting. My cousin is offended and won’t tell me why. I wrote my message carefully to avoid saying anything negative. Was I wrong?

—Traditionalist in Pennsylvania

Dear Traditionalist: You wrote that the purpose of this gathering is for the family to honor your deceased brother and celebrate his life together. When you posted your message in the family thread, were you expecting your cousin’s son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their baby? Their babies are part of the family and may be too young to be left without their mother. Although your carefully worded message reflected your feelings, it crossed the line, and I can understand why it upset your cousin.

A note to parents of young children: If your little ones are going trick-or-treating tonight, please make sure they are supervised to ensure their safety. Happy Halloween everyone!

—Love, Abby

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or POBox 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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