Texting can be a quick and easy way to connect with someone you like, especially when you’re just getting to know each other. But not all messaging is equal; In fact, some men text very aggressively while others are very relaxed. Good news? It allows you to think carefully about what you want to say and carefully craft the message you hope to convey before hitting “send.”

Here are 11 steps to becoming the guy whose messages she opens first and always responds to.

Here are 11 specific, helpful tips for texting a woman you really like

1. Send her a message within 24 hours of meeting

If you just met and she gave you her phone number or connected on social media like Instagram or Snapchat, best text him within the first 24 hours after meeting him. This is a good time frame because it’s not too fast, but it also lets her know you’re interested.

2. Before you start texting, find out who she is and why you’re messaging her

Before you start writing text, ask yourself the following questions:

• What do you want to know about him?
• What do you like about it?
• Who is he as a person?
• Why do you find him so attractive and interesting?

Once you answer these questions for yourself, you’ll know where to start texting the woman you like. You’ll also have a good idea of ​​what not to text because you’ll have thought about who she is and what she might find interesting. It’s just not what you want to tell him.

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3. Make sure your opening line is friendly and starts a conversation

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What seems real? What can help start a conversation? Sending a message to a woman like “Good morning my love”, “Good morning my beautiful” or especially “Good morning my beautiful” can be a huge turn off when you don’t know her well enough. Save the good morning messages for when you’re dating or in a real relationship.

Messaging these types of comments can also indicate that you may not be exactly sure who you’re messaging. One might easily think that you’re mass-sending generic, pre-written texts to as many women as possible and then waiting to see who responds. Many women lose interest pretty quickly if they believe you are on some sort of fishing expedition rather than trying to get to know them personally.

just like men women want to feel special and they are unique, not as if they were one among many. They also want to feel valued for more than just how they look and be seen as more than just a conquest.

So think carefully and don’t be impulsive. Say something unique and personal. And for God’s sake, use his name.

4. Show her you pay attention (without coming off as a stalker)

Think of something that connects the two of you or something unique you noticed about him/her. Comment on something interesting that happened where you both work or something he might have said in class.

For example, if you know she’s a fan of the classic series “Buffy The Vampire Slayer,” tell her that you were thinking of binging it this weekend and you remember she likes it. If you see him walking his dog, mention how cute his dog is and talk about your pets.

Don’t start listing everything you know about him like you’re an FBI informant. It will be enough to mention a few things.

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5. Ask her a few pointed, open-ended questions

Going back to step 1, think about what you want to know about him/her and what is important to you. “What is your favorite color?” It’s fun to ask questions like: but it’s better to save them for later when you’re hanging out or going on long FaceTime calls.

“How did you feel about the test today?” After warming up with a casual question like. or “What are you going to do this weekend?”, ask him something more personal. There are tried-and-true questions that will help you get to know someone, or you can tailor the questions to the person you know them as.

An open-ended question allows for a long answer, not just a one-word “yes” or “no” type of thing.

A. to study Journal of Communication Studies supports the idea of ​​trying to establish rapport in order to follow the natural flow of the conversation. For example, in the example above, if she seems excited about watching “Buffy,” ask, “What’s your favorite thing about the show?” ask. or “What makes you love him?”

If you want to get to know someone, one of the best ways is to listen to them talk about what makes them happy. Just remember that a little goes a long way.

6. Say something personal, but not too personal

Contribute your own opinions and feelings, but don’t dig too deep when you text a girl for the first time. He doesn’t need to know all the intricate details of your parents’ divorce or your latest heartbreak in your first few photos, so save those things for when you know he’s ready to have deep conversations.

If you’re talking about TV and movies, share what you like and why. If you are talking about school, explain what was difficult for you; Maybe it’s a subject you find challenging or a teacher who seems awful.

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7. Keep bringing the conversation back to him/her

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Don’t get lost in your tangents! It’s easy to text or go down the rabbit hole of ranting about something you love. But if this is your first time texting a woman, it’s good to keep directing the conversation to her. Ask more questions or respond to something he said earlier; this creates closeness. was explained in a study by researcher S. Luo.

8. Compliment her the right way

S. Luo conducted another study: How does positivity in messaging improve connection? A non-romantic compliment, such as “Your saxophone playing is great” or “I admire how much time you spend volunteering.” These need to be genuine compliments, as insincerity is a huge turn-off for most people.

9. Follow his lead

If it seems like he just wants to have a very casual conversation, like talking about work or school, don’t force it. If he’s talking about deeper topics, follow him as long as he continues to respond. Supported in a study led by Johnathan Ohadi on similarity in messaging and relationship satisfaction.

If they send you selfies or snaps, pay attention to the type of photos they take. If she’s sending you random photos of her ceiling or forehead, don’t send a photo that’s too candid. Likewise, if she’s sending you full-face selfies where she’s trying to look cute, you should do the same.

Most importantly, if he’s not as interesting as you, back off.

10. Get it rated PG

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Texts that attempt to explore the physical dimensions of a woman’s character, rather than the context, are often A big shutdown.

These texts are not only creepy, but they also convey the message that you’re only interested in one thing.

If you are attracted to a woman and considering a relationship with her, you want to be transparent and authentic.

You want him to know that you are interested in his mind, his soul, and his interests, not just his physical aspects.

11. Know when to say ‘GTG’

The old comedy trope of “leaving them wanting more” is perfect when it comes to texting a girl you like. Go out on a high note so you can text him again tomorrow or in a few days. He may even text you again sooner than that and even ask you a question on FaceTime then, too.

But if he’s losing interest, it’s best to quit early and end on a high note.

Texting gives you time to figure out how to flirt with a woman in a way that tells her you’re into her (and helps a woman become interested in you, too). However, since text does not reflect body language, you need to make sure you are upfront, otherwise he will stop texting you.

By messaging, you have the opportunity to make changes and edits to your messages before the other person receives the message.

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Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford is a psychologist who focuses on relationships, dating and personality issues.