Most parents try to meet their children’s needs. Many hope to provide their children with a comfortable life they never had. But what happens when acquiring, maintaining, and enjoying wealth comes before the needs of children?

‘Rich neglect’ is a recently coined term to describe the situation that occurs when wealthy families not only outsource childcare to paid workers but also raise their children to believe that material possessions are equal to or better than love. While child protective services often focus on the signs of physical neglect and abuse, it is now becoming clear that growing up financially wealthy but emotionally poor can cause just as much suffering.

This is rarely intentional; But working very long hours, exchanging quality time for quality goods, and offering a fleet of staff instead of a family connection are all hallmarks of wealthy neglect. NSPCC explains this emotional neglect It happens when “a child doesn’t get the nutrition and stimulation he needs.” A Goldsmiths University study also found that “common cases involve struggling young people in private fee-paying and boarding schools, often physically and emotionally isolated from their parents.” In such cases, parents may send their troubled child or teenager to expensive therapy, often failing to realize that their own lack of connection is the cause of the difficulties.

“As we become a more affluent society, parents of course want to provide their children with the best opportunities in life, but this should not happen alone,” says psychotherapist Nicola Saunders.

“Young people are now exposed to more than one thing online effects“For better or worse, the only people they can truly trust are the people who choose to bring them into the world,” she adds. “If we are emotionally detached from our children and believe that preparing them for material success is enough, we are sadly mistaken.”

‘The moments they remember most’

Often, it is only in adulthood that children affected by wealthy neglect are able to look back and fully appreciate the impact of their parents’ actions. “My parents divorced when I was eight and I lived with my mother,” says Joanna, 42. “He had a very demanding job at a law firm in London and would leave home at 7am and return home 14 hours later. I had a nanny but by the time I was 13 I was thought to be able to cope on my own; the maid would leave my dinner in the fridge.” Joanna was bored and lonely. “As I had a big house and a big pocket money, my place became a hangout for teenagers. By the time I was 14, I was using drugs regularly and sneaking into clubs. I flunked my A levels and had to retake them. “I started to unravel my childhood.” Joanna never talked to her mother about it; “she thought she was doing the right thing by helping me.”

Saunders says there are many reasons why wealthy parents unintentionally neglect their children. “Putting wealth ahead of emotional connection may stem from your own childhood experiences,” she explains. “If a parent grew up in poverty, his emotional drive is to give his children the best they can and give them a comfortable life.” There are also wealthy families that thrive in chaos and embody what psychologists call the ‘toxic triad’: substance abuse, domestic violence and parental mental illness. This type of rich neglect often ignores risk-taking behavior and pushes children to ‘act out’ more in order to attract attention. Anyone who watches HBO’s hit series Inheritance They will understand this scenario, and although certain behaviors in poor families can be red flags, children insulated by wealth often come across as well-dressed and well-groomed and are therefore much less likely to ring alarm bells. Meanwhile, for family staff whose jobs depend on discretion, it may be easier to ignore existing problems rather than confront them.

Some rich working parents nannies Alice*, who works as a nanny for wealthy families and has experienced the neglect of the wealthy first-hand, says they do everything they can to spend meaningful time with their children outside of work, while others are happy to let staff do most of the work.

“I’ve worked in families where parents are away up to 60 hours a week, but they still have a close bond because they’re so invested in the time they spend with the kids,” she says. “As long as they have the right nanny, these kids usually do well.” But Baker also witnessed the impact of parental guilt. “Many of the families I work with feel this, especially mothers who spoil children as a result; “They don’t set any rules or boundaries because they don’t want kids to ‘hate them.’”

There are also parents who do not come. He remembers a birthday party he organized and hosted. “My father went golfing. The kid told me he was sorry about it. Unfortunately, I have attended many Christmas plays, concerts and sports days without my parents, and these are the times when children really want their parents to be there,” says Baker. “Those are the moments they remember the most. Parents who never set a bedtime can also be difficult for children. “One phone call every night before bed is not enough.”

Saunders agrees that money can’t compete with time. “Children need their parents’ time, love, a sense of safety and security, and most of all, they need to know they are loved unconditionally.”

But when parents work long hours to earn high incomes, priorities often shift to self-care. “One mother told me how close she was with her children, how bad she felt about having a nanny…then, a week after I was there, she and her banker husband, who was not there, went to the Maldives for ten days alone,” says Alice.

She says her four children “hate not seeing their parents and behave badly when they are around.” “The ten-year-old girl was regularly bought designer bags, shoes, clothes and perfumes to keep her sweet.”

‘Some of the children I work with have seen me more than their parents on family holidays’

Rather than providing an opportunity for family reunion, holidays can often be prime examples of neglect by the wealthy. Joe*, 36, says: “I was six when I was sent to boarding school because my father was working in Dubai. During summer holidays, we would vacation in five-star hotels all over the world, but this was my parents’ time off. “I wasn’t allowed to go to the pool while the rich people were relaxing, and I was left alone with the hotel nanny, usually a bored 19-year-old waitress, while they went to dinner.”

“We always went to Mexico for Christmas. I used to watch movies about traditional families, and I missed the snow and cheerful neighbors. “I used to get beautifully wrapped gifts from Harrods, but I suspected they were ordered by my father’s secretaries.”

Former nanny Kathryn Lord experienced similar dynamics. “Some of the kids I work with have seen me more than their parents on family holidays,” he says. “Even at mealtimes, I would sit at the kids’ table while the parents ate elsewhere, so they lacked family connection and emotional connection. These people were multi-billionaires and had a mansion at the bottom of their garden reserved just for parties. “I was hired three days before that trip (family vacation) before I met the kids.”

While working another job, she adds: “I had to sleep in the same bedroom with the child because he was having night terrors and I was next to him. “I didn’t say anything to the parents because everything went through a house manager and I mostly communicated with the nanny during the week.”