Dear Annie:

I am in a terrible conflict with my best friend “Claudia” and I cannot find my way forward. We are both in our early 30s and have been friends for seven years; We meet through my ex-husband, her current husband and childhood friend. Claudia supported me through a traumatic divorce two years ago and we became like family. But since then, I have struggled with depression, moved in with family in another state, and lost my job; she also got engaged, got a high-powered job, and recently got married.

The conflict started when she announced her wedding date. I immediately asked if my ex and his new wife would be invited, which upset him because he thought I should congratulate him first. We discussed this issue and other previous moments when I felt he was being unduly aggressive (he is an honest CEO; I prefer a gentler approach).

I eventually attended his bachelorette party, but I was emotionally exhausted and afraid of questions from women who knew I was divorced, and I didn’t hide my lack of excitement. This made him act cold towards me. She later told me that she wanted me to be in a better mental state for her wedding, and I expressed how hurt I was by her dismissive attitude at the bachelorette ceremony. He exploded saying that our three-year friendship had been all about me and that he needed time and was re-evaluating our relationship.

His wedding took place last month (I’m glad I wasn’t there to cross paths with people I’m afraid of) and I recently discovered that my ex-husband had friended his new wife on Instagram, which made me so angry. Annie, who’s at fault here? What do I miss? Should I be upset about his connection with that woman? I still love him, but I’m worried our friendship is over. I’m so lost. Please advise. — Lost, Loving Friend

My Dear Loving Friend:

This isn’t about who is “right” or “wrong.” You and Claudia are in different stages of your lives right now, so it makes sense that you’re both feeling unsupported and having trouble relating to each other.

It’s normal for friendships to have ups and downs. What you need to consider is whether you really want things to flow between the two of you once again. Do you think things with Claudia are worth saving? Is it possible to overcome these bumps in the road with this new space and more honest, direct communication? Repairing this relationship will require grace and forgiveness from both of you.

When it comes to Claudia’s relationship with your ex’s new wife, try to understand how she has to treat her husband’s best friend’s new partner.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” It’s out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology of her favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and compromise is available in paperback and e-book. Visit for more information. Send your questions to Annie Lane at: [email protected].

COPYRIGHT 2024 CREATORS.COM