A mother is considering missing her sister’s wedding so she can buy Christmas gifts for her children.

One to mail In Reddit’s “I Am A——–” subreddit, the mom, who works two jobs and whose husband was laid off over the summer, explained that she was invited to her sister’s “cruise ship” wedding in a different New Year’s Eve situation. But, as she noted, she would have to use the money she and her husband had “saved for Christmas” to fund and attend the family trip.

Writing that her sister was 13 years younger than her, the woman explained that the two “never actually had a close relationship” and were “more like a distant relative” due to their age difference and being in different parts of their lives.

“She got engaged to her boyfriend a year ago. I’ve met him a few times and he seems like a nice guy,” she wrote. “They decided to get married in a different state on New Year’s Eve.”

As one Reddit user wrote, his family was “virtually homeless” at one point during the pandemic and went “into pretty big debt just to survive.” Things have since “turned around” for the family and the woman was “determined” to make her sister’s wedding a success – but ultimately faced obstacles in getting there.

“I didn’t RSVP right away because I’m still trying to figure out whether to fly, drive, or both. I’m trying to figure out the most cost-effective way to get my family to and from the wedding. 24 hours is a good amount of time. The drive needs to be split into at least 2 days round trip,” he wrote. “My sister apparently told my mom that she was upset that no one in the family RSVP’d to her wedding. My mom called me. It became a thing. So I let my mom know I would be there.”

To “reduce” the family’s “COVID debt,” the woman, who works two jobs, would have to miss at least five work days for the wedding (4 for driving and 1 for the wedding) and the family would have to drive as well. I went out for “buffer time” at Christmas.

“My dilemma is that in order to make this work, my kids (one who saw my sister twice last year, the other never) won’t have Christmas,” the woman wrote. “All the money we save for Christmas will be spent on gas, the rest of the Airbnb, and food for the trip. We won’t have money to do fun things while we’re gone, we won’t be able to buy Christmas gifts, which will definitely be going to the wedding for 24 hours, watching the wedding, and coming back.”

“In addition, my sister asked my nephew to attend the wedding as the ring bearer,” he added. “My children came to mind later. No one asked them to be a part of the wedding.”

In addition to the trip, the wedding “will take place on a cruise ship,” she wrote, adding that “everyone invited has booked rooms on the ship.”

“We are the only ones who are not traveling and can only stay on the ship for the wedding,” he wrote.

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The general consensus under the Reddit post was that the woman was either “NTA” or “not a——” because she had to miss her sister’s wedding to finance her family’s Christmas. The woman needs to reach out to her sister and explain that participating will be a “difficulty.”

“People having destination weddings need to understand that it is a burden for their guests to travel and pay for lodging, clothing, meals, and time away from work and other commitments,” the comment said. “If they don’t, they’re being selfish and myopic. I wouldn’t put this burden on my family just to see their sister get married, especially during the holidays when everything is so expensive. But that’s me.”

“I recommend that your sister and her husband come and visit you and your family in the spring and look at the wedding and honeymoon photos, it will be much more special for all of you than spending money. You don’t have to watch the ceremony and eat plastic chicken while missing your children during the holidays,” they added.

Another user asked the woman if she would consider attending the wedding alone and leaving her family at home, but she explained that this would come with its own set of obstacles.

“I thought about it and it really isn’t cheaper,” he replied. “The same car goes the same distance and I still need Airbnbs. If I’m driving by myself it will probably take longer as I don’t do long trips very well on my own. As the only vehicle currently running it’s a huge loss of income whether it’s just me or the whole family going can be experienced.”

“Anyone planning a destination wedding at Christmas needs to accept that people will put their kids first,” another Reddit user wrote.

“Nta. Christmas is a time for children,” another comment read. “Their joy must come first.”