DEAR ABBY: I’m in my early 30s; My wife is 46 years old. We have been married for three years. He has a daughter named “Kiki” who is 24 years old. Kiki has always been pampered and treated; He learned to lie and manipulate in his childhood.

I tried to help him because I believed him when he said his parents were trying to make amends. Kiki has a DUI and was evicted when her parents asked her to pay the rent herself instead of paying them. They give him his cars, but he scraps them and leaves them on the side of the road.

We have a 3 week old baby and a mortgage. I don’t think his daughter should still be in our budget, but my husband can’t say no to giving her money. Kiki is a habitual liar and user. He can’t pay for gas because he buys weed and alcohol instead, sure everyone else will pay once their utilities are shut down.

I don’t think it’s fair that we pay for him. Is 24 years old young enough to need this much help? My husband is very defensive about this.

— USED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR USED: Considering the history of this troubled young woman, your husband has made a huge mistake by keeping her dependent on him. Independence is something he may need to learn gradually. Your husband should sit down with Kiki and explain that he loves her, but that he now needs to find a job to support himself and that he will help her get used to being responsible for himself for a certain period of time.

If he’s still paying his rent, there must be a definite break point. No more cars because they pose a danger on the road. He can use public transportation. And if more problems arise due to substance abuse, all bets will be off. It’s time to draw the line.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m in an online group with neighbors, but I haven’t been able to go out and meet some of the new members in person. A person signs their post in a language I don’t recognize and I was wondering if there was a polite way to ask them how their name is pronounced and what language it is in. There doesn’t seem to be a way to broach the subject without sounding negative.

Also, when I hear people at my local store speaking another language, I wonder because I speak three languages ​​semi-fluently and am interested in learning more, but again, what’s the polite way to ask?

— EXCELLENCE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR STRUGGLE: If you have the slightest concern about asking your neighbors how their name is pronounced and what language it is in, don’t do it online. Ask another neighbor or wait until you meet that person in person.

When you’re out and about and hear a language you don’t recognize, smile at people, tell them you speak three languages, speak like they do, and ask what it is because you might want to learn. If the question is asked in a friendly way, most people will answer the same way. (I did this recently at a supermarket. The answer was that they were from Indonesia and spoke Malay.)