• Fortesa Latifi returned to work just a week after giving birth and felt intense guilt.
• Many new mothers return to work early and seek an identity beyond motherhood.
• What’s important, Latifi writes, is being able to have a choice that many mothers in the United States don’t have.

Just a week before motherhood, I committed a great sin: I started working.

I attended a meeting and after a while I pretended I wasn’t in a lot of pain while trying to sit up straight. emergency cesarean. To be fair, the meeting was important – even if it wasn’t HE important.

After giving birth to my first child in mid-May, I continued to find myself as I settled into the rhythm of new motherhood. retreated to work. People told me to rest, and I did, but I also couldn’t help but spend a few hours here and there while my baby slept with the Moby wrap on my chest, or my husband, my mother, or my mother-in-law slept. take care of it.

Working out (even from my couch in Los Angeles, in my milk-stained clothes, with a newborn baby on my chest) made me feel like a person from that era again. new days of motherhood. It’s almost inevitable to get lost in the demands of caring for another person, and I quickly realized that when I was able to work, I felt more like myself and was more capable of being a good mother.

I didn’t want to enjoy every minute of ‘breaking up’

As a contractor and freelance writer, maternity leave not given.

I didn’t ask for anything because no one was legally obligated to give me anything (although a publication I was a contractor for gave me 50% of my regular pay for 3 months of leave). But the bulk of my income comes from freelancing – and no maternity leave For this.

I think that’s one reason why I want to get back to work as soon as possible. But the guilt i feel even to want Being someone outside of my motherly duties was intense. Shouldn’t I want to take advantage of every moment of maternity leave? What was wrong with me that I didn’t do?

Bored, guilty and eager to get back to the grind

Kyleigh Wegener, a 27-year-old communications major from Kalamazoo, Michigan, realized she was bored with maternity leave three weeks into her planned six-week leave after giving birth to her first child.

“I have always been career-oriented,” Wegener said. “It was like I was having to slow down my life. I know that sounds awful. I know being a mother is important, but it felt like it wasn’t enough.”

He felt the same guilt that I did (even as I wrote this). While talking to other mothers, she felt like she didn’t fit in.

“It’s as if being a mother is what they believe they were put on this planet to do,” she said. “I haven’t always felt this way. I love being a mother. I love my daughters… but I feel like I have a purpose beyond being someone’s mother.” She hopes she’s teaching her daughters what they can have full lives beyond motherhood if they choose.

Emily Kaplan, 35, who works in public relations in Silver Spring, Maryland, was excited about the prospect of six months of maternity leave (which was much longer than maternity leave). An average of 10 weeks, both paid and unpaid, by American women.) with her first child. But by the fourth month, he found himself counting the days until he could return to work.

“I miss using the part of my brain that I worked on and worked hard to improve, interacting with adults, wearing only ‘real clothes’ for meetings and conversations, and wearing makeup all day long,” Kaplan said.

Founder: Allison Venditti Mothers at WorkAn organization for working mothers said it was not unusual to leave maternity leave early.

“Work is familiar territory, and a lot of women who have worked hard and have worked hard, don’t want to not work. Work can give you meaning, it can give you accolades, and it can also provide a lot of structure that a lot of people find really important in their day,” she said.

Drowning in a new type of work

The reality of maternity leave is this This isn’t a break at all – it’s just a different kind of business. In my experience, this is much more challenging than any other job I’ve ever done.

I can’t count the number of times someone has asked me how things are going postpartum and my response is that I’m overwhelmed. But the truth is, without the buoyancy of work and an identity outside of motherhood, I would feel more like I was drowning.

That’s one reason why Emily Scorgie, 27, a senior strategist in Dallas, Texas, couldn’t wait to return to work with her first child at eight weeks postpartum: Her coworkers talked to her as if she were a person.

“It almost gave me the edge to remind myself that I’ve got this An identity beyond being a mother,” she said, “And I think that really helps ease the mental load of the postpartum period.”

It is a privilege to return early of my own volition.

Remembering that I am a human being outside of motherhood, breastfeeding, and bedtime helped me get through these first months of motherhood.

More importantly, I need to decide to return to work early. Many women do not have this option; Them you don’t have maternity leave or they don’t have partners with reliable income, which I’m lucky to have. I also know that I have privilege. work from home Being in front of the computer and being able to breastfeed or soothe my baby whenever I wanted gave me a completely different experience of returning to work than women who work outside the home.

“I think the most important thing is for people to have choice — choice about how they approach work and family, choice to return to work early, choice to take more time off,” Venditti said. he said.

I want American women to have better postpartum choices. We deserve federally mandated maternity leave; It is truly barbaric that we are one of the six countries with no guarantee. paid maternity leave.

I didn’t expect this much work to save me in my postpartum days. Being able to focus on something outside of the intense physical demands of motherhood has strengthened me and made me a better mother. I hope other new mothers won’t be ashamed of counting the days of their own maternity leave.