Dear Readers: On September 23, I published two letters from older adults trying to find connection (“Still Grieving” and “Wanting Connection”). I asked those who successfully formed friendships and romantic partnerships later in life to write to me.

I shared some of these great answers last Thursday and, as promised, some more today.

In 2023, United States Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, MD, issued a Surgeon General Advisory on what he called “the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection in our country.” Even before the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, nearly half of U.S. adults reported experiencing measurable levels of loneliness, he said.

You are not alone. But there are solutions in the letters below, as well as in a wonderful new book by NPR’s “Life Kit” founder and producer Meghan Keane, called “Party of One: Be Your Own Best Life Partner.” It has practical and humorous guidance for people of all ages and stages.

Dear Eric: After being widowed at 48 after a 28-year marriage, it took me a while to go through a grieving process and reconnect. One conclusion I came to for myself was that divorced people need divorced people, and widowed people need other widowed people. I later discovered that a good connection was someone who was already ‘around me’: My close female friend passed away and I married her husband, whom I didn’t even know when I met her. Common interests brought us together, and our shared memories and familiarity with our community gave us much to build on. We got married after knowing each other for over two and a half years and have already spent eight wonderful years together in this new chapter.

—Find Your People

Find Your Loved People: I’m so glad you found this new love. I think your point about finding people who can share and help us overcome life’s challenges is spot on.

Dear Eric: When a non-LDS friend of mine moved to Salt Lake City and wanted to meet his neighbors without joining the church, I suggested he visit and join a Toastmasters club. He made and built many positive contacts. An international communications and leadership organization with clubs around the world, Toastmasters weekly or bi-weekly club meetings welcome guests, enjoy hearing others’ stories or experiences, and give people the opportunity to mentor and befriend others. Writing and practicing speeches also has the added benefit of keeping one’s brain active and looking forward rather than backward.

—Toastmasters Member

Dear Toastmasters: I love Toastmasters and the opportunities to develop communication and storytelling capacity.

Dear Eric: I joined two groups related to the two things that interest me most: politics and writing. At the writers’ group, I met another woman with whom I didn’t seem to have anything in common other than a pulse and an interest in writing—but one conversation after another happened, and one way or another, we soon became best friends. We still are.

I started chatting with a certain guy in an online discussion group. This led to sharing phone numbers, which led to long calls, which led to FaceTime calls, which led to visits, which led to a loving relationship. I did not attend either event with the intention of meeting anyone. I joined with the goal of pursuing interests that I was already interested in.

—Happy Byproduct

Dear Happy: Yes! The most important thing is to follow your interests and tastes.

Dear Eric: I personally think most adults are insincere, selfish, backstabbing, two-faced jerks, but people who do volunteer work are often among the most sincere, caring, loving, and lovely people I have ever met. Additionally, wherever a person volunteers, they will likely encounter others with similar passions and interests, so there is a built-in commonality.

-Give back

Dear Giving Back: Wow, that sparked a change, didn’t it? We share a love of volunteer work, although I don’t have that low opinion of people in general. And it can introduce you to people who care about the things you care about and who are working toward a vision of the world that aligns with your views.

Dear Eric: My wife and I retired and moved to a small town. Since I swim every day, I needed to find a pool. I signed up at the local YMCA, the only pool in town. It takes a while, but you start talking to the people around you and the people you see every day. We now have so many friends we met at the Y, it’s like we grew up in this town.

—Swimming Meet

Dear Swim Meet: Great result. Physical activity at the gym, Y, or senior center can lead to many social connections, even if a person doesn’t exercise.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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