DEAR ERIC: I volunteer to sing in a church choir. The music director likes me coming because I can sight-read, I’m trained as a musician, and I can sing alto.

Singing is not “work” or “fun” for me, but the music director is very good and the choir members are very friendly and kind people.

What I don’t like is that one of the new members wears very strong cologne and I’m allergic to it. If I forget to take an allergy pill before church, I cough for the entire service and sing about a quarter of the notes. If I remember the allergy pill, I don’t cough, but I can only sing half the notes because his cologne still affects my breathing badly.

If that (cologne user) were my friend, I would go up to him and say: “Leave the scent, it makes me sick.” But he’s an acquaintance and I don’t know him well enough to be that blunt. He also comes from another country and culture, and as an immigrant, he deserves our respect and acceptance.

The choir director posted a public email asking people not to use cologne because others are allergic or sensitive. No results. If it were up to me, I’d stop going to church and spend my Sunday mornings watching talking heads on TV, which is my idea of ​​a perfect Sunday morning. But this is the way out for lazy hedonists. Do you have any suggestions for a gentle, non-confrontational way to tell her not to wear cologne?

– Sunday Flus

DEAR SUNDAY: If the sandalwood and bergamot notes of your cologne are blocking your high notes, that’s a choir problem. So you have to get him back into the organization. chart (octave up?).

Tell the music director that, for health and performance reasons, you cannot continue volunteering unless strong odors are eliminated. The director definitely values ​​your presence and should be able to find a harmonious balance here.

A direct request from you not to wear the other choir member’s cologne can draw you into interpersonal drama. Whereas the music director is able to talk to him one-on-one and frame it as something the band needs for the success of all participants.

If the director can’t or won’t do it, you don’t need to torture yourself for the job. Stay home and enjoy your conversations.

(Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at: [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at: rericthomas.com.)

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