Loneliness is a recently increasing public health problem in the United States. APA survey It reveals that 30% (that is, one-third) of adults feel lonely at least once a week, while 10% experience loneliness every day. Younger adults and single people are disproportionately affected; This highlights the complexity of modern social dynamics despite the widespread use of technology to foster greater connectivity.

One factor that contributes to loss of connection is the loss of family ties – Dr. Karl Pillemer, in his 2020 book Fault Lines: Broken Families and How to Repair ThemIt reports that 27% of Americans, approximately 68 million people, have been estranged from a family member, while 10% have been estranged from a parent or child.

One promising way to escape such a feeling of isolation is to build your “chosen family.”

What is the Chosen Family?

At some point in their lives, many people dream of a future spent with a close-knit circle of friends, free from the constraints of controlling family dynamics or corporate rules. In this ideal scenario, they are surrounded by people who truly understand and support them, and who remain steadfast despite every challenge and triumph in their lives.

A chosen family, also known as a “found family,” refers to a community of conscious individuals who offer mutual love, care, and support that transcends traditional definitions of family rooted in biology or marriage.

“For me, family is the essence of a person’s life. This is where someone feels like they belong, where someone feels comfortable, where someone feels like they can trust their life and not worry about anything. So it may not be biological, it may be accidental depending on your situation,” explains a gay participant in 2021 to work published in healthcare.

The study explores the concept of family and chosen families among LGBTQ+ refugees and focuses on how these concepts contribute to their well-being and adaptation to a new environment. Chosen families are especially common in the LGBTQIA+ community; here individuals are often rejected by their biological families who do not want to accept their identity.

In fact, chosen families transcend any demographic and serve as a powerful source of belonging for people from all walks of life; whether they are estranged from biological relatives, have lost family members, or are simply seeking more emotional support than their current relationships can provide.

Peter, 31, from Brooklyn, shared: health line He described how he found solace in a synagogue’s bereavement group after losing his biological family in a car accident. Over the past 15 years, these connections have also grown with his select family, with whom he now celebrates every Jewish holiday.

These families reject rigid, core roles in favor of relationships built on shared experiences and mutual care, whether through lifelong friendships, caring partnerships, or intergenerational connections.

Chosen families offer a haven where individuals can embrace their authentic selves and experience a sense of belonging that grows with the complexities of life and celebrations alike.

The Price of Loneliness and the Importance of a Chosen Family

The costs of loneliness extend beyond emotional distress. 2021 to work published in International Journal of Public Health They found that loneliness was associated with higher healthcare expenses. mental and physical health complications.

Lonely individuals are more likely to experience chronic health problems such as cardiovascular disease and poor immune function, contributing to increased psychological distress. Among young adults ages 19 to 40, this effect is particularly severe; loneliness accounts for 61.8% of the overall association with mental health spending.

For many people, traditional relationships may fail to provide necessary support and protect against the effects of isolation.

Here are three reasons why the family you choose can offer things that many others cannot:

• Romantic pursuits may be disrupted as partners struggle with unmet expectations, emotional disconnection, or differences in long-term goals.
• Friendships can become increasingly superficial due to busy schedules, lack of meaningful time together, or a tendency to form friendships based on performance, where factors such as social comparison and status take precedence over genuine connection.
• When personal values ​​and individual development diverge, family ties can break down over time, leading to emotional distance, unresolved conflicts, or unmet family expectations.

Whatever the reason, one can choose to cultivate relationships that offer real connection. The concept of chosen family centers around finding mutual support and kinship among people who make you feel safe, accepted, and loved.

These are connections that honor your values, allow you to embrace your authentic self, and offer genuine support, encouraging belonging in a way that traditional relationships sometimes can’t.

How to Find Your Chosen Family?

Finding the family of your choice is a deliberate process that takes time, effort, and patience. It starts by interacting with people who share your values ​​and interests, gradually building relationships based on mutual interest and trust. These bonds develop by being consistently and authentically present in each other’s lives and engaging in acts of reciprocity—caring for others as much as they care for you.

This may include participating in communities that align with your passions, such as volunteer groups, clubs or cultural events. The goal is to foster meaningful connections through intentional acts of support.

In some cases, you may already have people in your life with whom you want to start a chosen family. They could be your best friend, a mentor in your community, or even a group of people you connected with at a music concert who over time adopted you as one of their own. These bonds may not be noticeable on paper, but they carry the same emotional weight as any traditional family.

Ultimately, a chosen family reminds us that belonging is not defined by blood ties, but by the relationships we nurture with intention. In a world that often feels isolating, chosen families provide not only a lifeline but also a foundation of support to build upon. They are proof that family is not about where you come from, but who is with you on your life journey.

Do you feel safe being your authentic self in relationships? Take this quiz to find out: Authenticity in Relationships Scale