If you haven’t heard of it, Megan is Missing follows the aforementioned Megan (Rachel Quinn) and her best friend Amy (Amber Perkins), who everyone at school absolutely hates. When Megan is kidnapped by a man she met in an internet chat room, Amy tries to find her on her own… and you can imagine how successful she is.

Let’s set the scene. It’s 01:00 on Sunday morning. I’m at home, in my bed and all the lights are off. I was away from booze all weekend, which in hindsight I think was an excellent idea. To end a very enjoyable Saturday, I told a story about young people being kidnapped, which helped me relax and fall asleep.

Fresh to your eyes from the My Notes app, I present a moment-by-moment recap of Megan Missing as Dexerto’s in-house horror chicken – and your cue to PLEASE don’t do the same.

01:00 – Using the words “daddy” and “slut” within a few seconds of each other oh NO. Oh no. The fears start here honey!!

(Side note: What 14-year-old talks like that? Was I naive growing up?)

1:02am – Baby Evan Remember the movie Thirteen where Rachel Woods went off the rails and Holly Hunter was at her wits end? That’s how it feels with webcams, too.

1:04am – I remembered what I was doing in 2007… I cut my hair short because I wanted to be Velma Kelly, often wore a garish yellow Hairspray sweater, and used Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse. What happened to basic teenage hobbies?

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1:05 – Ben is very funny. Andrew Tate’s levels of delusion.

01:06 – Maybe the real horror was the people along the way demanding $10 for a house party.

1:11 – Okay, this is getting nasty For this reason fast. Men are the perpetual villains of society, etc.

1:17am – Unexpected Se7en shakes her head during harassment description! Marketing is something Fincher never saw coming!

1:20 – I used to watch the cat documentary, Amy.

1:22 – “I almost do what you want, but you have to tell me you love me,” I felt like. Truly haunting.

1:29am – That was a SkaterDude, he should have said cya later dude…

1:31 – I wish you could see my face while watching this, dear reader. If the winds had changed direction, I would have looked like a disgruntled Real Housewife forever at the end-of-season reunion.

1:45 – Note to the public: If I get lost, please do not put the photo of me licking peanut butter off the knife on the national news.

1:48 – Ah, the casual misogyny in this thing. Don’t burn gas! Right! The truth is, I feel so immune to everything!

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1:53am – Ok, time to start fucking yourself!!

1:54 – Why aren’t the police monitoring these WebChat calls?!

1:55 – But could they fund a Crimewatch-style revival?

01:57 – The photos suddenly came to my mind and I feel SICK. Like, it flows all down my throat. It wasn’t what I expected but somehow even worse???

1:58 – My cat jumped on the bed in the dark and I fucked myself completely. Sorry to be simple but the light is on. Great light too… I don’t leave anything to chance.

2:06am – God, this is absolutely terrifying… I think this is the first time I’ve seen a sexual assault scene like this. Something tells me they really captured a realistic, visceral reaction.

02:08 – BARREL. Ah. Mine. God. This got a whole jump-scare-breath response combination out of me. I’m actually hiding behind my poor cat. Luckily he hums with his eyes closed. God, these poor girls. They better have access to some good therapy in this set!

2:20am – What I didn’t expect to happen was tears in my eyes. What a heartbreaking final 10 minutes. Sure, it’s supposed to be disgusting and scary, but I can feel my insides being ripped in half. It’s every woman’s worst nightmare. These pleas were coming from such a mundane place that it was trying every trick in the book to appeal to a speck of human emotion… but it wasn’t there.

2:25am – Editor Tom… I kind of hate you for admitting this was a good idea. I am now convinced that someone is standing in the dark part of my hallway.

2:26am – Play-out footage is the final blow to the teeth, but I made it. I absolutely hated this. I have experienced every negative emotion there is. But mostly, I’m just surprised at how sad it is.

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2:27am – I need a water break and watch an episode of Shaun the Sheep or something. But I’ll add an outro that covers my thoughts about Megan Missing from the movie when a) I had a nightmare and b) my heart stopped hurting.

12:30 – The next day and I try to continue my life as normal. Surprisingly, I didn’t have any nightmares, but the weight of what I watched kept me up most of the night.

Here’s the thing: I think Megan is Missing is a pretty poorly made movie. The found footage element hasn’t aged well, the discrimination among our core cast is beyond unpleasant, and the performances aren’t overly surprising.

However, it left a taste in my mouth that I couldn’t give up. If you’re looking for something Halloween movie you will be afraid; This is not a choice. Instead, you’ll stare life’s worst moments straight into the eyes.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the last 30 minutes as long as I live, and it should happen. But some don’t require a quick swipe internet forums To ask whether Megan Is Missing gets it right.

Part of Dark Web focuses on this, which is frankly a greater fear than anything a movie could bring to the big screen. Although it is likely shaken to its core, there is a strange anomaly that could see this as permission granted.

SkaterDude may seem like an old scam decades later, but the person behind the webcam website still exists. In short, this will keep me up at night for a long time.

For more Halloween content, check out our full page Terror-Tober programincluding scariest movie villains, best zombie moviesAnd What a psychologist thinks is the scariest movie of the year.