Dear Eric: This letter is probably best read after your first cup of morning coffee. My husband of over 50 years has a habit of peeing outside, even though his office has its own bathroom.

His father and uncle did the same thing, but chose an old piece of ivy for their “offering”.

My husband stands over the beautiful landscaping on our small porch. I repeatedly stated that I was broken, the plants were broken, and that this abomination had to stop, if for no other reason. It makes me so sad.

He apologizes profusely when caught, but it happens again and again. I feel disrespected. I think this is about more than just marking one’s territory. Can you help?

– Sad in Urinetown

Dear Sad: I drank my coffee but unfortunately it didn’t help. If your husband has been doing this your entire marriage, maybe even his entire life, I can’t help but say you can’t teach an experienced dog new tricks. But he’s not a dog, and he’s not laying claim to a new neighborhood tap.

As for marking the territory, you and he/she have already marked the territory by signing your mortgage or lease. And you’ve ticked it off again by paying for or working on your landscaping.

So you’re right, it would be disrespectful to you if he can’t find another outdoor toilet or change his habit. It confused me that he apologized profusely and then did the same thing. Whether it’s a very specific pattern of forgetfulness or a blatant disregard for your emotions, it’s cause for concern.

I can’t tell from your letter whether you suspect he may be having memory issues, but if that’s an option, you’ll want to talk to him and your doctor about any other symptoms you’re noticing. But if he just set his own path, adjust yourself to his own path. Tell him that you are tired of feeling upset about this behavior and you need him to respect you enough to make a change.

Also, you know those little yard signs that discourage people from letting their dogs do their business in the yard? You may want to invest in one and hang it on your porch. For an audience of one.