Forget what they said! Money to be buy it my love!

“I will always love you,” Donald J. Trump’s email reads. “Why? Because you never stopped loving me!

He then asks for $15.

Campaign contributions to the Trump-Vance ticket earned me a gold Trump flag pin (“everyone wants these”), a “Never Surrender” MAGA hat, an Elon Musk “Dark MAGA” hat, a limited edition GOLD MAGA hat, an original red MAGA hat, an autographed MAGA poster, Dark MAGA mug, official limited edition campaign mug, and/or “Fear Not” mug (“I need you to know something: I love you!” the email says).

Wow. In the hundreds of emails we have received from Kamala Harris, she has yet to personally declare her deep love for us. And there isn’t much swag on offer. He tends to stick to the latest poll numbers, his underdog status, and his $47 kitsch sales pitch; because he would be the 47th president. Pleasant!

That’s not to say Harris’ campaign doesn’t have emotionally satisfying speeches. That distinction goes to Tim Walz’s dog, Scout.

“I’m not supposed to beg, so I humbly ask for $25,” he says, explaining that Scout was abandoned in a box as a puppy and was timid until the Walzes adopted him and taught him love. “I learned to play frisbee when Tim threw it. I learned how to order puppy cups at the local Dairy Queen on summer trips. I’ve learned how to accept those who are different from me, like my cat sister Honey (I even learned to steal food from her bowl). “I know people are good because of Tim.”

Welcome to Campaign 2024! How many of you have won the glorious privilege that both parties in this presidential election have been ruthlessly courting? We’ll explain how this happens in a minute, but first let us invite you into our experience.

See, for most of this campaign season, we’ve been deleting those pesky emails as soon as they appear. But the volume became so overwhelming that we decided to stop and let them pile up.

Over the last three weeks alone, we have recorded nearly 1,200 presentations from two presidential campaigns; This does not include these hundreds hundreds desperate pleas for cash from far-flung congressional races. Or text messages that go straight to spam.

It averages up to one step every 15 or 20 minutes you’re awake, depending on how much sleep you get. The two campaigns had raised more than $2.5 billion as of last month. Good grief! Fortunately, it’s enough to make a pine for short-lived, publicly financed elections.

Attack

Are you a voter with no party preference? Did you vote consciously in every election? Do you have an email address and participate in the digital economy of the 21st century?

These are part of why you are being targeted. You may be in that critical lane of undecided voters. You may still be convinced.

“Data about potential voters—who they are, where they are, and how to reach them—is an extremely valuable commodity during an election year,” explains the Electronic Frontier Foundation. in the lining. “And while the right to a secret ballot is a cornerstone of the democratic process, your personal information is collected, used and sold in the process.”

Political campaigns use the same tricks that other advertisers use, pulling data from a variety of sources to build your profile.

It all starts with the real world: Public voter records that include your party registration, your address, and how often you vote. If you have participated or contributed to previous races, your information will be forwarded. The same goes for petitions you can sign outside the grocery store.

Also online. EFF says the campaigns use data brokers to obtain consumer information that tracks our shopping habits, hobbies and demographics. Brokers compile information from browser cookies, web beacons, mobile phones and social media platforms. They then hire targeting companies to advertise to us.

Unlock Secrets It was revealed that political groups paid at least $23 million to 37 different data brokers in 2020.

Those ads you see on Facebook and Google? The EFF says there are slightly different beasts. These companies do not need to use data brokers; They collect tons of data about their users and sell political ads based on that data. More than $1 billion in total was expected to be spent on political ads on these platforms this year.

There are things you can do to lighten your digital footprint, including disabling your phone advertising ID and “monitoring your location” settings; disable viewing on your TV, streaming devices and streaming services; avoiding clicking on links in political messages; and do a “privacy check” on your social media accounts. Details on how to do this are at:

Do they know me?

We wonder how far the campaigns actually go to get our humble knowledge. Maybe they cut corners and scoured the internet for email addresses; We charge double the price of most because they have both our ocregister.com and scng.com email addresses (both work and reach the same place).

“I’ve been shot!” Trump says. “I AM STILL UP! And it’s all thanks to Teri!”

“Congratulations, you are invited to Mar-a-Lago! Teri, I personally invite you to my home because you mean so much to me.

“Teri, Teri!” “Teri, PLEASE!”

Despite Trump’s professed love, we’re not sure he fully understands us. “WE ARE TIRED of listening to terrible lies from the FAKE NEWS MEDIA,” one of the final letters reads.

“This isn’t about money, Teri,” he assures us.

Meanwhile, Harris is lagging behind on this issue. Only thing In exchange for our contribution, we were offered a “FREE sticker” for our first $30 donation. “These stickers are selling out fast! Don’t wait to get yours,” the email says.

We there was They were invited to donate $25 for a chance to win an “all-expenses-paid trip to our special Get Out the Vote Concert” and $30 to enter the “Click with the Candidates” sweepstakes (where we could meet Harris and have our photo taken with Walz).

Special hot recipes from the Walz family’s kitchen were available for $30 or “whatever feels right” (“We can’t win this election on an empty stomach”), and Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff copied us in his “Happy Birthday, Honey” email. To Harris – duh! – asks us for a $47 birthday gift.

“Can I call you?” another Harris letter says: “If you deposit your first contribution of $30 or any amount to our campaign today, I can be on the other line the next time you pick up the phone.”

In other words, some missionaries don’t ask for money: They ask for volunteers. “Every door knock, phone call, and social media post is a meaningful contribution to this campaign, and we are counting on you to join us,” they say.

The message of both campaigns seems to be: DONATE NOW! ALMOST DONE!

Almost. On. We. Not being able to. To wait.