DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had a little social and political success in my community. Unfortunately, this is not the case for my husband.

She is a wonderful wife and does not cheat or lie; he is not a bigot or a drunk. He doesn’t have any friends where we live, though. We have invited many couples to cocktail parties, but there is never reciprocity.

I wonder what keeps my husband apart from the “in” crowd. A friend of mine tried to pull me aside twice and discuss this issue. The first time his wife stopped talking, the other time something else interrupted her.

I believe he will try again, and despite my curiosity, I don’t like the idea of ​​listening to someone denigrate my husband. How will I react when this acquaintance tries to pull me aside once again?

kind reader: “Before we begin, I must say that I will not hear my husband unfairly slandered. There is no doubt that your feedback is constructive and kind, but I will not allow him to be humiliated. However, if you have information that you think would help him, please continue.”

Miss Manners admits that you can’t help but know things that everyone around you already knows. But if you are stronger than him, you can end this speech after the first line.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it okay for my roommate to put her feet on our landlady’s beautiful coffee table? We live with him at his house.

kind reader: Only if your roommate wants to get out of the lease quickly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Maybe I’m the one missing out on bringing this up, but: Is there etiquette for death notifications?

What makes me angry is that the cause of death, especially of young people, is not stated. If you are spending the time and money to notify me of a death, as a matter of common courtesy I need to at least know whether it was a sudden/unexpected event or occurred after a long illness.

With this knowledge, at least I wouldn’t feel so stupid sending cards or walking to the funeral. Your thoughts?

kind reader: You do not need to state the cause of death in your condolence letter, just state your closeness to the bereaved. While it is natural to be curious and we all like to receive information, those who are bereaved do not need to disclose that information.

If you need to know, Ms. Manners suggests asking someone who wasn’t closely related to the deceased. But still do it gently.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve endured too many unsatisfying meals at restaurants and I’m ready to send the food back to the kitchen. I’m not sure how to do this, especially if I’m dining with friends or a guest of a friend.

Sometimes I procrastinate so much that I don’t want to eat another meal instead.

kind reader: So Miss Manners recommends that you start the meal only in your own home.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at www.missmanners.com; to his email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syntaining, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.