He apologizes profusely when caught, but it happens again and again.

I feel disrespected. I think this is about more than just marking one’s territory. Can you help?

SAD IN THE CITY OF URINE

A. I drank my coffee but unfortunately it didn’t help. If your husband has been doing this your entire marriage, maybe even his entire life, I can’t help but say you can’t teach an experienced dog new tricks. But he’s not a dog, and he’s not laying claim to a new neighborhood tap.

As for marking the territory, you and he/she have already marked the territory by signing your mortgage or lease. And you’ve ticked it off again by paying for or working on your landscaping.

So you’re right, it would be disrespectful to you if he can’t find another outdoor toilet or change his habit. It confused me that he apologized profusely and then did the same thing. Whether it’s a very specific pattern of forgetfulness or a blatant disregard for your emotions, it’s cause for concern.

I can’t tell from your letter whether you suspect he may be having memory issues, but if that’s an option, you’ll want to talk to him and your doctor about any other symptoms you’re noticing. But if he just set his own path, adjust yourself to his own path. Tell him that you are tired of feeling upset about this behavior and you need him to respect you enough to make a change.

Also, you know those little yard signs that discourage people from letting their dogs do their business in the yard? You may want to invest in one and hang it on your porch. For an audience of one.

Q. For a while, my husband and I were struggling mentally, financially, and in every practical way possible. We asked nearby family members for support in moving to a new city. The family, husband and wife, staged what I later realized was intended to be some kind of “interference” in our decisions.

A few days later his wife started chatting a lot via text and asked him all about the move. I didn’t think anything of it until my husband (my blood relative) called me and exploded at me about everything my wife had passed on to him. He was yelling, scolding me and asking how stupid I could be.

I hung up the phone and sent them both a message, telling them they didn’t have to agree with our decisions, but they couldn’t talk to me that way.

There was more scolding via text. My wife said that because I always ask for their opinions and seek advice, they have the right to talk to me that way because of how they feel about the decisions my husband and I make together. A week later I received another text message from my husband stating that I was being irrational and manipulative and that behaving that way deserved more respect from me.

I can’t help trying to figure this out: Does this sound as ridiculous as it seems to me, or does going to someone to talk about something give them the right to enlighten you if they don’t like what you’re doing?

BAD ADVICE

A. Recommendation is not law. As an advice columnist, I neither wear a bathrobe nor have a gavel. This was a sad surprise for me when I started this business, as I love a good costume. But facts are facts. Your relatives may express their feelings about your decisions and may even gossip about you in private if they wish. But you don’t owe them anything.

And being asked for advice certainly does not give anyone the right to insult, berate, or belittle anyone. (This is also a helpful reminder for those replying to advice column replies.)

You came to your loved ones needing emotional support and guidance. A recommendation is a suggestion. This is an offer. This is optional. The fact that they respond with decrees and harsh criticism shows that they are not the right people to support you.

Maintain your boundary with them and if they don’t respect that, block them. This is just my suggestion.

R. Eric Thomas can be reached at: [email protected].