When it comes to general family dynamics, there’s one thing people on social media agree on: The mother’s side of the family is completely different. Inside a viral TikTok From October 2024, Brooke Monk compares how she acts on her father’s side of the family to how she acts on her mother’s side of the family, and the differences couldn’t be clearer.

Whether it’s your grandmother who always stocks the pantry with your favorite snacks or your aunt who feels more like a second mother than anything else, the extended family on your mother’s side may not feel “expanded” at all. Because no matter how often you see them and how much you truly enjoy seeing them, they feel like family.

What about the dynamic on your father’s side? It may bring different feelings for some. When you visit them, things can feel a little less natural. There may be more small talk and you may have trouble connecting with an uncle or cousin whose formalities and humor seem a little too condescending, or worse: political. Even holiday family traditions can feel foreign and forced.

So is there a psychological reason why people generally bond better with their mother’s side? Or is it a complete coincidence? Below, adolescent mental health expert Caroline Fenkel, DSW, LCSW explains.

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Caroline FenkelDSW, LCSW, is an adolescent mental health specialist and clinical chief. Charlie Healtha treatment program for teens and adults struggling with their mental health.

Why You May Feel Closer to One Side of the Family Than the Other

There is no hard and fast rule that says you will emerge from the womb closer to your mother’s side of the family. For some people, they may even be much closer to the father’s side of the family. However, Dr. According to Fenkel, there are some “psychological and relational dynamics” that may explain why the mother’s side of the family is more popular.

Dr. One reason for this, Fenkel says, is that mothers tend to take on “the emotional labor of maintaining family connections.” This could be through hosting holidays at your home or planning vacations to see each other. Dr. Fenkel adds: “If a mother prioritizes her connection to her side of the family, children will naturally be more familiar and familiar with those relatives.” You may not be able to connect with your paternal relatives as much, as men are less likely to take on this role.

Dr. Another reason why it may be more comfortable for you to be on your mother’s side of the family is because “maternal relatives traditionally play a more important role in caregiving,” Fenkel says. “Especially in childhood.” If your grandmother spent more time caring for you or the baby at home than your grandmother did when you were little, it makes sense for you to feel closer to your mother’s side.

Also Dr. “If a child feels comfortable and safe with his or her mother, he or she may transfer those feelings to his or her family,” Fenkel adds.

“It’s more about who feels most connected, supportive and involved in the child’s life.”

But of course, location also greatly affects how close you will be with both sides of your family. If your mother’s family lives just up the street, you’ll probably see them more than your father’s side, who lives a few states away. If this is the case for you, it makes sense to be closer to your mother’s side of the family because you see them more often.

Family structure and individual personalities also play a big role. Dr. Fenkel adds that regardless of which side of the family they come from, the relatives you connect with most depend on who is more present, engaging, and approachable.

Therefore, the side you are close to depends on “individual family dynamics rather than a generalizable rule,” says Dr. Fenkel. “The choice of ‘mother’s side’ and ‘father’s side’ is more about who feels most connected, supportive and involved in the child’s life rather than some universal truth.”

Even though many people on social media are supportive of the mother’s side of the family, just because your family dynamic works differently doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It really just depends.

Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS and specializes in topics related to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Before joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.