I grew up in a conservative family. My mother spent her thirties and forties driving around in a car with Pro-Life license plates, which makes the following incident even more surprising.

“I broke up with my boyfriend,” my sixty-nine-year-old mother said a few weeks ago.

“Did you do that?” I asked. When my mom first started dating during the pandemic, she had similar matches with guys, but this boyfriend was a constant for several years. “From where?” I pressed it.

He touched his phone and looked away.

My longtime conservative mom revealed she broke up with her boyfriend because Vice President Kamala Harris said he slept his way to the top.

“I lost myself because of him,” he said. When mom feels passionate about something there is nothing holding her back. My three sisters and I know this for sure. I swallowed. “That’s what you did,” I said.

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“I couldn’t believe he would say something so stupid. It’s one thing to disagree with his policies. I can respect that, but to undermine his achievements. He is a law school graduate who became a publicly elected attorney general and senator. “It’s very sexist for him to say that,” my mother said.

I nodded, knowing the debunked rumors. Based on actual check by Time Magazine, Vice President Harris dated Willie Brown, the former mayor of San Francisco and speaker of the California State Assembly, in the 1990s. VP Harris was elected state attorney general from 2011 to 2017 and served in the Senate from 2017 until 2021, when she became Vice President.

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Linking Vice President Harris’s success to a 1990s relationship undermines not only her, but women everywhere who face similar sexist statements; This is another way to attribute a woman’s success to a man.

“It was very difficult for women to achieve this,” my mother continued, “and people still like to belittle their achievements and take the wind out of their sails.”

His blue eyes caught mine. At that moment she reminded me of my grandmother. passionate women’s rights activist. My mother took care of my grandmother during the pandemic.

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As we spent time together, my grandmother passed the torch of her passion for women’s rights to my mother. My heart melted. “You thought about your grandmother,” I said.

“You’re right, I did. Men have no idea what it was like for women, especially all those years ago. Because he wasn’t married, he couldn’t even buy his first car without a co-sign from his father or brother.”

I nodded in agreement. “You should write this,” my mother said.

“Are you sure?” I shrugged. being vulnerable with myself this is one thing; It’s one thing to be vulnerable with my loved ones. (Except for my husband, who happily lets me discuss our married life in articles.)

“Yes, I want you to write this down because it needs to be said. “I am one of many women’s rights advocates, and the responsibility will not end with them.”

I smiled because Write my “feminist” articlesI hear my grandmother whispering in my ear on my shoulder: “Progress does not happen through inaction.”

Despite everything women like my grandmother have done to pave the way to equality, comments about Vice President Harris “sleeping her way to the top” and referring to her as a “childless cat-woman” show how rocky that path still is.

Society will continue to believe the worst rumors about a woman while ignoring the worst facts about men. This also shows how little society still values ​​the potential of women in leadership roles.

An emerging study from Yale University has shown that people do not see the potential in women in the same way as they do in men. Article I quoted from a study Participants ranked male candidates highly if they focused on their potential but held women to much higher standards or ignored their leadership potential altogether. This double standard was also reflected in politics and underlined that women must have years of experience, achievements and recognition to be reliable.

Zoe Chance, The assistant professor at the Yale School of Management noted that women “should compete based on their own track record” and that “men can also compete based on their vision.” Even then, people will indirectly undermine the woman’s political record with sexist comments.

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If you are a man, you may have five children with three wives, have never held political office before running for president, and be praised and labeled untouchable. But if you are a woman, you may have two stepchildren with a spouse, be a former elected attorney general and senator, be a current vice president, and be considered a childless cat lady and labeled unelectable.

We also see this sense of perceived inferiority in conversations about how to pronounce Vice President Harris’ name. People ask me left and right: “What do you think of Kamala?” they ask.

I always respond: “You mean Vice President Harris?” Why is his name so relevant? When was the last time someone referred to President Clinton as “Bill” or President Bush as “George”? When you call her Vice President Harris, how her name is pronounced becomes as unimportant as rumors that she slept her way to the top.

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As my mother told her boyfriend, you can oppose his policies without undermining him based on sexist undertones.

My mother’s conservative close friend agreed. He said he was an executive at his corporate job and had dealt with similar statements that undermined his success.

As a woman, I know that I stand on the shoulders of all women fighting for equality. It is this spirit that pushes me forward. My grandmother, a single mother in the fifties, fought for women at every opportunity.

She marched on behalf of the National Organization for Women (NOW), including a march on the New York governor’s office, to defend the Equal Rights Amendment. Even in her 90s, she defended women’s rights.

When I went to university and started studying legal history, only then did I appreciate his struggles. She grew up in a world where she was treated as a second-class citizen, where she needed a husband or father to sign for a car loan even though she had a job, and where she was judged for even being a single parent. Even though her husband was an alcoholic and abusive.

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I realized I had no idea what this was like Living in a world without equalitywhere you are vulnerable not only to the world but also to laws used as weapons rather than shields, where abortions on a coat hanger are not just a card from Cards Against Humanity.

I didn’t know what it was like to live in that world because my grandmother fought to give me and other women a better world. Her mother also did her part to pave the way for equality, attending community meetings and working full-time as a nurse in New York for nearly six decades. He helped move his family through the Great Depression and World War II.

My mother also worked as a nurse and raised four headstrong, independent daughters. I am inspired by her, just as her own mother inspires her. When she got divorced at thirty-five, my mother went to nursing school with four children to support us.

None of their success was due to a man, but to hard work and dedication. I recently returned to full-time work as a lawyer to keep the torches of equality burning.

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Despite this and all the progress that has been made, it is clear that progress still needs to be made. I tell my children exactly what my grandmother told me: If you’re not sitting at the table, you can’t control the dialogue.

You can’t expect someone else to fight your battle and defend you. You must defend yourself. And I have to fight for my children, just like my grandmother fought for me.

My mom got back together after discussing the issue with her boyfriend, but I’m proud of her for standing up for herself. She said her boyfriend better understands why such statements are harmful. He told her he hadn’t thought about it before. I’m glad my mom took the narrative away from framing sexist expressions and towards talent.

My grandmother was inspired by her mother (a full-time nurse during World War II). My mother was inspired by my grandmother (a nurse and single parent in the fifties). My mother (a nurse who raised four strong independent daughters) inspires me.

We must be an inspiration to future generations. Our daughters are watching and listening. How people talk about Vice President Harris and women in general may mean how society will one day talk about our daughters and their accomplishments.

Politically and in corporate America, we must challenge inappropriate characterizations of women based on their gender, appearance, and marital status and focus the debate on what matters: their talents, their politics, their education, and their achievements.

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Julie Calidonio is an author, attorney, and mother. Her articles published in Scary Mommy, Motherly, and Medium highlight her writing style that is both funny and touching.