Jack Merrill, an actor living in Los Angeles, is the survivor of an unthinkable crime: He was kidnapped and attacked by infamous serial killer John Wayne Gacy in 1978. After years of silence, Merrill, now 65, is sharing his story publicly. First time in his one man show Saveshe describes it as both “emotional” and empowering. “He controlled me one night, but he didn’t control my life,” Merrill tells PEOPLE.

Merrill grew up in Evanston, Illinois, with a father named Jerome Holtzman, a Hall of Fame sportswriter and inventor of baseball’s “Saves” statistic, and a mother who struggled with narcissistic tendencies. By age 19, Merrill had left home, living independently in Chicago and trying to establish an acting career.

On that fateful night when Merrill was kidnapped, Merrill was walking home from the YMCA when a man stopped his car and offered her a ride. Although uneasy, Merrill accepted the offer, hoping to err on the side of caution. The man, later identified as Gacy, persuaded him to smoke poppers. Merrill soon lost consciousness and woke up in handcuffs. Merrill, who was taken to Gacy’s house, was subjected to hours of physical and psychological torture. “He asked me if I trusted him,” Merrill recalls. “I said yes and he took off the handcuffs.” This showed that he was acutely aware that his only chance for survival was to remain calm.

Gacy released Merrill at dawn and left him near where they first met. Merrill initially did not report the attack, and months later, when Gacy’s crimes became national news, Merrill realized how narrowly he had escaped. “I made a deal with myself to get over this,” he reflects.

The journey to recovery was complicated. Merrill channeled his pain into an acting career and eventually moved to New York; where he attended the famous NYU theater department and later co-founded the Naked Angels theater group. Acting became his starting point. “You are forced to express yourself,” he says, finding solace and honesty on stage.

Although the trauma occasionally resurfaced, such as during a Halloween event featuring Gacy-themed characters, Merrill tried to forgive, even The Oprah Winfrey Show to discuss amnesty for those subjected to violence. He also made peace with his parents, albeit slowly.

Today, Jack Merrill is happily married and shares his life with his husband of 23 years and their rescue dog and hairless cat. Save it honors her survival and resilience and allows her to relive her story from a place of strength. “There are a lot of people going through hard things,” he shares. I’m lucky; “I was always lucky.”