What if he wins again?

And if you Puerto Rican, Black, Mexican, Asia, HaitiA. Womana member LGTBQ communityA. journalistA. PhiladelphianA. Democrateven Beyonce or Taylor SwiftI don’t even need to tell you who “he” is.

if you were aimDonald John Trump’s slurs, insults and insults, directly or indirectly, as he burnished his political brand over the last nine years — and this is the list (checks the notes) white men, the rebels of January 6, 2021, and the leaders of autocratic regimes around the world; The only thing more painful than Trump’s 2016 election victory is the prospect of taking back the White House a second time.

Many of us were caught off guard on November 9, 2016, the morning after the election.

At best, we were ill-prepared to deal with catastrophic political change that left deep scars on Americans and American norms, as well as on the ideals and institutions that define our country and our democracy.

And now here we are again – a much less secretive and much more aggrieved and angry group of sycophantic supporters and proxies excusing the infinite depths of their beloved leader’s depravity:

“He didn’t mean it that way.”

“He’s not talking about us, he’s talking about us them.”

“This is a joke.”

The joke is on us; because we all are them. We are all after all them to someone like him.

I re-read the column I wrote recently. election night 2016 and realized how familiar it looked. I wrote at the time that millions of our fellow Americans were willing to ignore and embrace xenophobia, racism, sexism, and misogyny, sending some kind of twisted hateful message.

The moment was no less bleak, even for those trying to steel ourselves against what might come.

I want to be ready this time. As voters prepare to head to the polls on Tuesday, I’ve spent the last few weeks talking to people — both experts and ordinary people who are the target of Trump’s venom — to learn how we can best navigate this situation. There is a possibility of a Trump 47 presidency.

I have no doubt that supporters of both Trump and Vice President Kamala Harris are concerned. But using history as a guide, it’s safe to say that only a handful of supporters are worried about whether there will be an inauguration in January, an insurrection, or perhaps even something worse.

In May, 73 percent of American adults said they were stressed about the 2024 election. American Psychiatric Association survey – and this stress is felt across all political affiliations. Most said the election was a significant source of stress (76% of Democrats, 67% of Republicans and 64% of independents).

But if Tuesday’s vote goes a certain way, feelings of fear and anxiety will emerge that many experts describe as: age – will flare up again.

When I heard this, I immediately knew that the first person I needed to talk to was Nelba Márquez-Greene; because of her unique expertise in the intersection of grief, injustice, and mourning and their impact on individuals and institutions.

Márquez-Greene’s 6-year-old daughter, Ana Grace, was among 20 children and six adults killed in the 2017 shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. She is also a licensed marriage and family therapist and Yale School of Medicine. of public health resident activist His lived experiences have taught him how common and misunderstood pain is.

Márquez-Greene offered three tips on how to deal with this.

He said that first of all, we should take care of ourselves, which means not postponing our physical, mental and emotional health. In order to stand against everything to come, we need to be in good mental, physical and spiritual health.

Second, “we need to control who comes in and out of the inner folds of our hearts” – in other words, not everyone deserves to hear or share our pain. Many of us feel betrayed by our friends and family, and so we need to find supportive communities, whether in person or online. We are always stronger together.

Third, remember that even in our darkest moments, there is another generation that we must consider.

Márquez-Greene described how, after the Sandy Hook shootings, she returned home from the firehouse where she, her husband and other victims’ families had gathered to hear the news that their loved ones had been killed. Even in her grief, she knew she didn’t have to share this news with her son. isaiah but also consider how her own response will serve as a model for how the man might begin to process this.

“Despite my own pain, I would have to realize that there were people I was responsible for, and the only way I could do that well and with dignity was to take care of myself,” he said.

Without this, “Our young people for whom we are responsible, the communities for whom we are responsible, will not get what they want from us.”

As much as I remember what Márquez-Greene said, I will also not forget the many conversations I had with others in the days before the election. (A note to trolls: I didn’t ask anyone which candidate they support – so if you have anything bad to say… say it to my face.)

I had a conversation earlier with the recently ordained Pastor Mark Kelly Tyler. historian The African Methodist Episcopal Church was the longtime pastor of the denomination’s founding church. He told me that the past should always inform the present. “This is not the first time in black America that we have been disappointed with the electoral process,” he said. “In fact, historically, we have been disappointed more than we have been able to cheer and celebrate, and we have also known that in those moments, our best work, our best organizing, our best resistance has occurred. In moments like these.”

We then chatted about the healing power of nature with Brad Maule, a photographer who grew up in a mountain town in central Pennsylvania and has worked at various outdoor events in Philadelphia. It may be hard to remember, but even the worst storms pass eventually.

Iresha Picot is a licensed behavioral therapist and founder black girl joy bike rideHe advised that no matter what challenges arise from elections or our daily lives, we should find “pockets of joy.”

And Elicia Gonzales, a Latina gay activist who has led and currently works for several organizations serving marginalized communities. 22nd Century InitiativeAn anti-authoritarian group working to build a popularly supported democracy. It reminded us that no matter the failures or successes, we must stay connected to the people and organizations who work tirelessly for a more just world for all.

I’ll also be following up with recent college grad and bookseller Aidan Melinson talking about the power of stories and storytelling (and his list of must-have book recommendations). booked. Lisa Moser, multilingual Philadelphia native and bookstore manager in Chestnut Hill Julia de Burgos Bookstore at Taller Puertorriqueño in Fairhill. Start with: Puerto Rico: A National History with Jorell Meléndez-Badillo And Democracy is Declining: How to Make Big and Small Changes in Our Country and Our Lives? By Emily Amick and Sami Sage.

And here it is Resa Mueller — a Filipino bartender and general manager of R&D Cocktail Bar who was born in Hong Kong and lived all over the world before settling in Philadelphia — for her delicious post-election potions: a martini in the freezer because odd times call for a ready-made drink, and a fake piña colada because Even if we can’t physically escape to a tropical paradise somewhere, we can at least sip something that makes us feel like we’re sitting underneath it. coconut tree.

Although the best advice has come with the challenges of our new reality, I am grateful for it all.

In many ways, these are unprecedented times, but perhaps it can be somewhat comforting to remember that these are not entirely new.

Following Abraham Lincoln’s election on November 6, 1860, Sarah Espy, an Alabama woman, turned to her diary to document her concerns. He wrote that he was “saddened” and that if the Southern states withdrew from the Union “it would be the beginning of suffering.”

I am not a religious person but as the aphorism goes, there are no atheists in the trenches and we could all use all the prayers we can get.

So I asked Pastor Tyler if he could recommend a passage of Scripture that he thought might help us deal with the problems that lie ahead; Because if 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that every victory is short-lived.

Tyler, pastor of Mother Bethel African Methodist Episcopal Church near Sixth and Lombard Streets, showed me a verse from Ephesians: “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of this darkness.” against spiritual evil in high places.”

Scripture can be read any number of ways, but the one I hope resonates most is this: This is not just a war against one man, a party, or a movement, but a war of a spirit of hatred, ignorance, and oppression that has taken hold of many. forms.

“It’s about trying to overcome that particular spirit,” he said.

We have a long road ahead of us, and while it is necessary to breathe and commune with nature, and while a good book and even a kind word can comfort and even strengthen, the fight cannot end here because it is a challenge to our transgender daughters and their transgender nieces or Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA). recipient or a woman who needs an abortion and faces the possibility of a nationwide ban.

And let’s face it: The challenges won’t end with a Harris win. If he triumphs on Tuesday, his will be a historic administration, but not a perfect one. So we’ll have to hold him accountable too.

But the energy around his campaign seems to be based on a central theme we should all embrace:

When the nation’s fundamental values ​​are threatened, we must take action.

We may be anxious and afraid, we may be disappointed and disgusted, we may be completely exhausted, but then we have to keep working.

I thought about this as I watched Kimberly Burrell, a woman I wrote about recently, react to the highlights. Trump in attack ad — despite being a lifelong Democrat who plans to vote for Harris.

Burrell was understandably furious and said at a press conference last month: begged Trump forcing the right-wing political action committee that created the ad to remove it.

But then she began registering people to vote and continuing her work to prevent gun violence in her community, where her 18-year-old son was shot to death in 2009.

I also remembered a patch a friend of mine created last year with the words: “I’m trying” When he finds himself in a position most of us are in: to try to extricate ourselves from some of the most destructive and divisive moments of most of our lives.

I lost track of my patch in the drawer, but I dug it up again recently because it feels like the best advice we can give ourselves and each other going forward.

No matter what, we should never stop trying.