Dear Eric: A few years ago I noticed a change in a close friend of over forty years. He is a loved, kind, supportive and generous person and has been a great friend for decades. However, he was so harsh in his views that it almost bordered on bullying.

He wasn’t always like this. Her husband and I are the main recipients of this behavior; I saw her making fun of her husband in front of other people, but she didn’t care. I don’t see him doing this to other friends and family members.

The last time I saw him was a month ago, he called me stupid when I politely disagreed with him about something in front of his other friends at a group dinner, and a mutual friend in the group called him out on it. My friend never apologized to me. This was very hurtful and at this point I tend to move away from him, even though it is very painful because he was an important part of my life and I was a loyal friend of his.

I’m tired of being his punching bag and I don’t know why he’s doing this, but I don’t know what to do about it anymore.

– Angry Friend

Dear friend: As we get older, different aspects of our personalities can emerge, so this may be a normal, albeit unfortunate, side for your friend. However, it is also possible that it is health-related. Even if the husband doesn’t care, it’s worth talking to him about whether he’s noticing any other signs of trouble and how he can help his wife get treatment.

But when it comes to your friendship, you need to make it clear that in order to stay in a relationship, you need an apology, an acceptance of how you feel, and a change. Even if a more irritable side of his personality has emerged, there is no excuse for cruelty. Give him a chance to fix this before you walk away completely.